Gryphonsoftball

one day more

2012-01-15T20:14:00.005+08:00

hese are the 3 kelongs of reflection that i often spend time in front of.

went cycling to pasir ris park again. tomorrow is the last day of the year 4 professional examinations, a clinical examination. it's going to require a little composure and i'm pretty confident of doing well. i hope that after the examinations, i'll still be motivated to come here and exercise.

exercise

2012-01-10T20:05:00.007+08:00

I have been quite pleased how my mugging turned out for the year 4 mbbs professional exams. i had 3 weeks to prepare for this exams and it ran right over the festive period of christmas and the new year so studying was rather tight. I still disciplined myself to find time to exercise for about an hour every day, alternating between running at the canal downstairs, cycling to pasir ris beach and doing some gym exercises at home with my 10kg dumbbells.

when i cycle to pasir ris beach i usually take a 10 minute break at this veranda benches built just along the breakwaters. it's a very nice and transquil place with 3 kelongs just off the shore, flying a singapore flag (i think). Beyond them is the malaysian coast, with pulau tekong and ubin to the east. pasir ris is located more northwards than most people expect and i am really glad that i can reach the coast in 20-30 minutes on a bike. i reflect on a lot of things here and i sincerely hope that even when i start work, i take time off to do this every once in a while. quiet meditation does not come naturally to me, especially with the flurry of activities that surround me all the time. things to do, things to say, things to plan. time to eat, then time to sleep.

i am happy that for the past 3 weeks and perhaps for 1 week more, i have had time to reflect.

English

2012-01-04T22:13:00.001+08:00

One of my reasons for choosing law was so that I could learn to write better. I knew I didn't really have a flair for languages, didn't have a great vocabulary and couldn't describe objects or feelings in stunning detail.

One and a half years in, it seems like writing with flair isn't something that's taught here. Rather, we're taught to write clearly and in a concise manner (because most lawyers are too wordy). Well that's fine really, I can do that. But all that was during lawr in the first year. This semester had nothing close to a lesson in writing.

Still, when it comes to describing my proficiency in English, I usually put something like 'Proficient' without thinking too much about it. Complacency right there! I think clear and concise writing is deceivingly easy - cut off a few words, rephrase (yeahh saved a word), rearrange the sentence.. But it doesn't guarantee that the words are communicating the intended meaning Effectively.

It probably takes a load of effort to become a great writer. And for noobs like me, it'll take more! I might be worse off if I had chosen to do courses like math/science - less practice because it involves more numbers? Or maybe they just use a different form of writing for their reports. But aren't we stuck to a certain style of writing for exams too hmm..

I should go read some classics while I still can

Game of thrones tv series

2011-12-18T18:45:00.001+08:00

Mm 2 days spent on the 1st season. Ytd was probably one of the better saturdays I've had - training in the morning justifying the lazy afternoon and evening that came after. Weather held up for the morning's trg, exploded just as we were leaving the nus canteen, thus interfering w my journey home but making the 6pm nap very very satisfying. Last night's sleep was a v deep one. And uh oh snoozing has taken root.

But no more! The lie-in-bed-watching-shows habit shall end here, because it has never given me a long-lasting sense of fulfilment. It would, though, get rid of a great itch to watch this tv series ever since I found out that it was created. I think I'll feel the same itch once season2 comes out. But no prob, I'll only watch it if its the hols and this time, it should't be all at one shot - shouldn't (hah). I should optimise my use of time by only watching when I can't do anything more useful.

Results out soon :0 even had a bad night's sleep because of this. Siao liao..

phototaking in hk

2011-12-09T13:32:00.002+08:00

i brought 3 cameras over, two film (just to play around) and my sis' compact. got real troublesome trying to juggle all 3 at once so i decided to focus on using the compact very early on.

for a top-range compact, it still has its limitations. tended to overexpose, bumped up the iso at night till the pic became grainy. or maybe, i didnt use it to its fullest potential. need to play around with the manual settings more, but that's difficult when taking snapshots of people/things v quickly

there should be a camera that would switch from digital to film with a flick of a switch

i even got a little jaded from taking photos. wasnt sure what i was really looking for - i see an old building, dirty exterior, old-school street, trams.. decide to take picture. but they are all normal stuff to ppl who stay in hk, what's the big deal hm. should take more pics of people and not play ard with digital compacts lol auto setting is not v fun, just snap here and there w/o having control over the focus, shutter speed or aperture.

should go send film for developing soon, hope there'll be some nice pics

clt

2011-11-27T22:39:00.001+08:00

one day i hope to find myself doing this out of my own interest instead of doing it then finding it occasionally interesting

yr2s1

2011-11-27T11:48:00.002+08:00

fb pics suggest that my life ended when yr2sem1 started in august :0 i think theyre right for once

Mm

2011-11-22T23:03:00.001+08:00

Small changes ard the house here and there because my mum's been taking care of my cousin in taipei.

- I always wonder why laundry has to be done so quickly. It really does build up hm. I almost ran out of good underwear
- I always thought my bath towel got changed too often. Maybe I just don't realise that it gets kinda yucky
- Random dishes and utensils unwashed in the sink
- Rust spots in the sink - never before seen
- Very grimy shower area - sian diao

No more.

Dajie coming back on thurs whoo nice

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Hi posef

2011-11-16T10:46:00.001+08:00

Google reader boy
Must be bored while studying
Stop scratching tummy
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

first principles

2011-11-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we shld return to first principles

1. Work on weaknesses
2. Don't be mediocre
3. Be pretty good at everything, or at least, most things
4. Keep strengths strong
5. Keep trying and don't give up

Hmm what else
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Fml

2011-11-11T18:35:00.001+08:00

Object to leading qn during opponent's xx - fml

Lol. Ok put this behind pls

ucf tea not bad spoke to a dj who was classmates w many of our tutors
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Nothing else but mug

2011-11-08T22:45:00.001+08:00

I feel like I've been studying for the entire semester. But that's not true - I had softball, ifg, etc that have on occasion made me go into tutorials not really knowing what's going on.

Other than those few occasions this sem has been one of consistent work - except for certain topics like dduties and shareholder remedies that were during the great big chokepoint of the semester.. And prop!

So that's where I'm at. Exactly where it gets a bit more tedious, slow.. When I begin to wonder if what I know is enough to get me through the exam and when property is begging to be mugged properly. Hah.

Mm irrational thoughts like 'everyone seems smarter this sem' hah.

Just have to believe that it can be done. Why is it so much harder now? Truly life's dropball - my version of 'curveball'.

Ok simei
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

editing

2011-10-30T23:36:00.001+08:00

Put in about 3hrs today just to change all the ' ' to " " and shift footnotes ard. And angst over what are 'concepts' and whether some are in fact "quotes". Lots more work to be done - citations are gonna be crazyyy.

Sure, this piece of work came at a bad time, but it really would've been worse if it were any later. At least its a practice piece so there's less pressure in a way.

Strangely enough, its good to get frustrated over something else other than studying for company/prop. Its like a brain reset, makes me think differently. Or maybe I just don't think. Anyway I hope this helps to improve my writing in the long term, else it's not really worth the time. Time to get a decent job done by Fri, as efficiently as possible.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Discoveries

2011-10-29T02:22:00.000+08:00

First I discovered tt one friend used to read the zai blog of another

Then I found out another interesting r/s

Good day based on two things alone even tho I spent lik one afternoon reading one article and wondering how to edit it heh

Just like how the day before was funny cos of the ck-style pic we took on the mrt train

Hope this post brings back memories and gives me a good laugh in the future. Time to get sleep 2+am lo
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Octoberr

2011-10-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

Whoa. October has really disappeared. It wasn't too long ago that I saw someones status or sth tt said 'time to wake up that guy from green day' because september had ended. Now its already the 24th!!

I hate it when time passes and leaves no impression. It might actually be a memory problem (my mind is largely inactive and aint that great at recall which is a big problem) but let's just say that if my life were more exciting I'd remember lots more.

2years spent in the army is an example. I can't remember the minute details even though its one of the most recent life experiences before uni. It usually takes someone to jog my memory and even then only certain events are clear (like jcc). Does my brain want to forget the experience or sth? Its understandable why things might be a blur - it really was just about fighting fires everyday and slowly getting through the week.

What about secondary sch? Memories are even more vague, which is super sad because I'm sure that those days were some of the best days of my life. I remember some pri sch scenes more clearly than secondary sch events.

Maybe I'm wrong. If I do put in the effort I can still remember. But why is it that difficult? Was life so tough - meeting deadlines, training, recovering from training - that all I wanted to do was get through everything, hit a lull period, nuah and forget? Complete nonsense, life wasn't that tough.

I feel like I was in a hurry to grow up (even though I might not have been). It just seems as though I didn't savour youth properly when I still had the chance. Now, when I'm still young and realising it, there is no chance to savour it becos school is da bomb.

Really need to learn how to use minimum effort to obtain maximum returns. While doing other stuff. What other stuff? That's a question for after the fulfilment of a few short term goals. Just gotta be a no-life for a few weeks and see where life can take me after that. I anything.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

a lack of ideas

2011-09-13T21:33:00.002+08:00

its a strangely quiet tuesday night in school because somehow, the usual suspects aren't studying in their usual places.im not getting much studying done myself because i feel too tired after today's lessons. i couldve taken the chance to travel home while my brain was taking a much-needed break, but i ended up staying in school after having dinner - this could be some sort of self-imposed rule to force myself to study and be more productive. and it does work. like i always find myself saying, im a lot more productive in school than at home. many others feel that it's ridiculous to stay in school after lessons are over, or worse, to go back to school to study when there are no lessons to attend. i think its a matter of preference - i kinda prefer a clear line between work and slacking. school's for work and home's for slacking. the chairs in school are better for studying too. i could be feeling tired because of my late night - slept at 230am because fh dropped by to pass me a cap and i passed him books for senthil. got some updates about the exciting trip to australia but unfortunately i got pretty sleepy towards the end. felt bad lol anyway, staying in school to study makes me miss out on other activities that make me happy! studying in school is fun in a way especially when there are friends around, but what happened to other fun stuff hmm. the range of activities that i do in a week has narrowed considerably. mmm time to revive random old habits.. in the meantime running and training have been good ways to destress. still can do 5km in 25min cool!

a short break from studying (again) (i meant both the 'short break' and 'studying')

2011-08-27T17:37:00.002+08:00

today started off on a good note - morning rain creates the perfect conditions for rolling around in bed until i can no longer doze. last night was when the burden of exercising my vote in the today's presidential polls kind-of hit, but well, i didnt find many big reasons for me to change my mind so.. yup. i honestly cant say that ive been as responsible a voter as i wanted to be (and i might not be able to fully justify why i voted for a particular Tan) but i did put some thought into it? that's gotta be enough, right? would my vote matter anyway? i kept coming up with both serious questions and excuses to not think so hard about it.

so that's that. we'll see who wins the election tonight. in the meantime, ive been a complete failure at studying at home again. first, i started off late because i went out with my parents for bfast and to tampines1 for awhile. then came back to vote. it was already 2pm? second, cos ive been realll distracted. ive stopped myself from sleeping with a cup of nespresso (even though the weather's so perfect for a nap) but there's always facebook, youtube, the birds outside my window, the birds nesting on the aircon unit outside my house.. the How to Multitask game (http://www.smart-kit.com/games/how_to_multitask/#.TlYWGbfVd4A.facebook)

since i've just mentioned the birds nesting on the aircon unit outside my house.. i think they deserve to be mentioned and noted here on the blog (although i think much of our lives doesnt get recorded here). in a sentence: i am amazed at my parents' reaction to the birds. im not sure if they love birds or just dont have much to do, but theyve stopped using aircon since about a month ago, tried to buy a lousy cooling unit from Giant to cool the room (which failed), then my mother buay tahan and started coming to my room to cool off before moving back to her room (i dont sleep with aircon), then my mother lost enthusiasm for the birds halfway, while my father went on to buy an infrared camera, got it mounted it on a pole outside and he spent a week figuring it out and trying to get it accessible via the internet. they also put bird seed and water out for the birds.

i must say the birds are quite cute hmm its apparently a zebra dove. and there are two little birds in the nest right now! even though my dad took a pic of a single egg in the nest very early on. Both birds are pretty big and are already covered in feathers!

so that's how my rare day-at-home is going. i shouldve gone to school. i'll probably do that tomorrow, but then i'll have to sort out my lunch and dinner. this particular topic on the corporate constitution is pretty dry and statute-heavy so its not really holding my attention zzz.

in other news, i think ive put quite abit of stuff on my plate for the year ahead. so things are gonna get busy esp towards the end of sem and during dec hols. UCF starting nxt week too. time to go into alert mode and get the brain to be fully operational! wonder if blogging's a good way to practise writing haha if i didnt write stuff here i think i would hardly be expressing myself at all. nowadays at least. life is v different from before oO

must try to make a trip to lombok in early december happen!

What couldve been

2011-07-28T13:37:00.001+08:00

Sunday 24th july - 2nd league of the year (and the last?)

Another shag 3 games just like when I got back from philippines and played for ora in league1. Same result too, got 2nd overall.

Sun was crazy hot!

Had a memorable 1st ever bbq at the kallang diamond after the prize presentation. For $10 there was good food, drinks and most importantly, good company.

Also, it was recently announced that softball would be one of the sports singapore would be represented in during the upcoming SEA Games. Congrats and good luck to all involved!

Had a good fish steamboat dinner with whao and shaggy ytd too. 32 for the main dish and prob abt 6 for the vege? Total was 40. Nice. Good food good talk and good company again.

Hols ending liao, need more good food good talk good company!! Work ending tmrw so gotta spam outings nxt wk haha
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

1st summer hol, 1st other things

2011-07-20T19:17:00.001+08:00

Sitting at a busstop watching slow moving traffic go by as I wait for my bus home. Its a rare occasion - going home for dinner (had home-cooked dinner ytd but that's rare too), prob waiting for sis to be home early and gg to the driving range with dude. Must try new things!

Probably the most eventful week of my hols has just gone by - 1st ict with my unit. And I'm still recovering from the lack of sleep. Was it really the ict? I definitely didn't have the chance to recover over the wkend when I spent 2days playing in the smu open at ri. Sure, not the most shag softball I've played, but after a marathon 5days in camp it certainly was a bit of a strain on both mind and body.

So yeap, I think last weeks events are responsible for the sleepy afternoons at work. Not that I have much work to do right now :s enthusiasm for work is at a low because of tiredness.

A short summary of my hol: May was a month full of traveling and slacking, June started off fun-fun with orientation camp and became sort of forced-productive when I started this job. Which was good, it served its purpose by keeping me active, alert, continually learning. Still had time to settle softball carnival and army matters.

Mid-july- after last week, I feel like nuahing till sch starts. 2 weeks of work left - tahan one more and try to fit in a short getaway before sch. Sounds good

More softball this wkend. I liked having it right after my ict even though I was dead tired and found it difficult to concentrate. At least during those moments that I could, I still managed to find that place of zen or focus when batting. Its a good place.

Need to catch up with more friends before they fly back and before my sch starts zz. Work is getting in the way

1 more stop. Hungry.

Today I consumed:
Yu pian ban mian $3
Chai tow kueh white $2
Xian chao drink $0.6
Min jiang kueh $0.7
Soon kueh (free)
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Lost time

2011-05-12T09:47:00.000+08:00

Hello everybody (of whom i assume consist wholly of Daniel and myself),

This post is written to catch up on lost time. My last post was made on the 25th of December, 2009 which is nearly 1 and a half year ago, the next one stretches all the way back to 2008. This blog, subconsciously (or not?), has been relegated to teenage struggles and unchecked emotions. Or rather, teenage timetables and deadlines, which allowed hours of furious typing at my keyboard, venting and venting. My last 3 years studying medicine has been filled with words like "necrobiosis lipoidica diabeticorum" and unforgiving as they are, such details slip minds if one is not focused. Perhaps this is just an excuse; it is a very handy one indeed. "James, do you have time to join CSS for ________? .. .. Okay, I understand, Medicine very busy one." Whatever it is, I have no regrets because Medicine is very important to my life now and sacrifices will have to be made.

How did I stumble back on this page? I clicked on a link carelessly while navigating around my usual haunts of facebook, soccernet and gmail and voila, I saw that Yip has been posting away quietly while I was gone. "Interesting." I said to myself. Thank you for keeping this blog alive because a lot of our memories from the growing years of our lives are kept here.

My holidays are here, 7 weeks of free time. "this is the last long holidays we'll get." - that's what I hear all the time. I don't like to view it that way though. Life has a rhythm, you can't be miserable all the time doing what you signed up to do. For me, studies has a peaceful ebb and flow for me. Perhaps not all the time, but I keep things pretty balanced with exercise, recreation and studies all nicely spread out in my week. Recently I have been keeping fit by going to a gym near my home, perhaps that can become part of my routine?

Life is getting a lot more complex than I thought. In secondary school, while writing this blog, I sincerely thought that Daniel and I had everything in this world figured out and everything would be fine if we ruled it. Obama and other men of power have a less enviable job than it seems. Everything isn't black and white anymore. We (or maybe only I) thought this: we're intelligent, brave, determined, moral and have kind hearts. Why don't they just hand the keys over to us? There is a chance that we are still the same men, grown from the boys who fired those thoughts. However, we may not desire the keys anymore.

whoo

2011-04-17T13:01:00.002+08:00

took a walk up the hill after getting off a cab i was sharing with some people. met the super furry cat as usual on the way back and stopped to take some pics of it.

when i finally got home and entered my room, i was greeted by the sight of a shiny new kleankanteen on my table! with a nice note wishing me good luck for my exams. thanks sis! i was really very touched and for the rest of the night i was just stuck on the idea that really, money should be spent to make people happy. im real reluctant to spend money esp cos i was gonna make do with the thermos, but yeah i think sometimes money just ought to be spent doing nice gestures for other people. i dont think ive made a very clear point but its ok i kinda understand it lol.

back in school studying! interesting:
DIPLOCK L.J. I agree that this appeal should be allowed although the legal route which has led me to this conclusion is not at all points identical with that traversed by the Master of the Bolls. After all, that is the beauty of the common law; it is G a maze and not a motorway.

(note: its Master of the Rolls, something happened when i was copying and pasting lol)

Lost kleankanteen

2011-03-31T23:10:00.000+08:00

Noo! The bday present james gave me slipped out of my backpack's side pocket. Ran back to check ard the table at adam rd but no luck. Cleaners unhelpful too lol. I think one didn't understand me.

But there's hope! It might be on the grass patch beside the spot where we got onto the cab. Will check tmrw morning.

This is a perfect opportunity to do a zhangrui:

A Haiku for my Lost Bottle

That bottle of steel
So solid it made me feel
Alone in the dark
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

some R&R is good

2011-03-20T22:51:00.002+08:00

its amazing how much good a short break can do for you. yesterday, i went for training for the first time in 3 weeks (well, not counting the circuit session on wednesday which actually drained a lot of my energy and strength), then i went for lunch with the rest.

now, lunch was quite a big failure. i hadnt had much of a breakfast to start with, and that usually makes for a bad day. my attempt to pre-empt the post-training sun headache by drinking a can of isotonic drink failed and i think it was cos of the lack of food and the crazy hot sun! it didnt help that the weather changed drastically and the temperature dipped when we reached the food centre.. nah actually that might not have been a big factor. it was more cos i had much rubbish for lunch

the sign at a la mian stall caught my attention. a stall that i hadnt tried before. mmm. the sign labeled its xiang la ji la mian (fragrant spicy chicken la mian) as its zhao pai mian, which really convinced me somehow. i was really freakin hungry too. little did i know that i would be suffering in pain for the next few minutes after getting my food. it was crazy spicy!!! but me, driven by hunger and not in the habit of wasting food, manfully gobbled it down.

i was determined to remedy the bad start to lunch with a plate of famous wanton mee. this was despite me being hit by post-lunch sleepiness already. anyway, i didnt manage to enjoy my wanton mee or the famous charsiew. i really feel sad typing this out i dont want to talk about it anymore. i got to sch, was supposed to study but ko-ed for about 1.5hrs in the library from fatigue.

managed to put in some reading before heading off for EPIC BATTLE. this was a top-secret event that took place last night at the usual place. damn we lost. i felt really off-form, but maybe james was right, we were up against stronger opposition than usual, which was why i lost more in one-on-ones. i still had the post-training headache that i hadnt managed to sleep off (it wore off later, thankfully) and my mcchicken even came out after 1 round! felt ok later on tho, but still tired. last night's sleep was real great, felt really good recharging. had a nap just now and that was great too.

ok the detailed description of my r&r is just supposed to be a record of when we had the EPIC BATTLE and to remember the lousy lunch i had which may/may not have contributed to my poor performance. haha clearly giving myself excuses. but it was fun. the main point of this whole post is to say that yesterday's recreation actually made studying easier today. i felt a lot more positive about studying (took it in a more relaxed manner too) and it wasnt stressful at all. i think i need to spend more time doing things that make me happy and spending more time with people that im close to mmm and it'll be a worthy investment because studying becomes more effective! the balance has yet to be struck. gogogo

routine

2011-03-10T14:28:00.001+08:00

Sitting along a corridor trying to stay focused on finishing an assignment that's due this sat. And failing because I get distracted every few minutes. Why is this assignment important? In the larger scheme of things, its quite insignificant really.

Thoughts like these aren't good when my lessons start in about an hour, after which I won't get to work on this till after 8pm.

I woke up with a slight crick in my neck this morning which is super, super sian. But, rather than letting this affect the rest of my day I'm using it to keep me awake oO anw it only hurts when I tilt my head at a certain angle.

Sch's becoming one big routine - bfast, get to sch, look for a place to study.. Study. Go for lunch, breaks, dinner.. Work on assignment. But routine gets us through big things, the whole course isn't meant to be done all in one go but is meant to be taken one bit at a time. That's why this assignment is important and I should get back to working on it
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

pitstop

2011-02-08T20:24:00.003+08:00

i've forgotten how useful this blog can be, as well as how convenient it really is to post stuff up here. last year, i found out how to send emails from my bb to blogger and i used it pretty often while i was commuting and feeling sian. back then i thought, "wow what a good way to practise my writing skills i should do this more often". i think it died out after awhile when i stopped working, stopped commuting and stopped feeling sian because i was busy holidaying! or trying to enjoy the remainder of my holidays.

its time to revive this habit that didnt become a habit. school now constantly demands clear, concise writing. good writing has to come with practice. oh yeah and a good dose of creativity would come in handy too. its like a great big overhaul of my education from say, sec3 onwards? ah. spotted another thing which causes a drop in overall confidence. which isnt supposed to. more on that later.

sem1 felt short yet intense. I can hardly recall what life was like before the all-out full-time exam preparation mode. Memories from that period are the freshest in my mind. Did i manage to do anything else besides school work? Did i even manage to think about doing anything else besides school work? The answer to the latter question is 'yes', but it was always followed by a wistful 'ahh nah. cant make time for it cos i have to study', thus leading to the answer of 'no' for the former question. something that's gotta change.

much as ive been telling myself not to care too much about grades (and most recently, laughing at other overly grade-conscious people around me), i have to admit that its a difficult compulsion to shake off. and today i realised something - that i was wrong to even think about shaking it off! ive always been grade conscious, (not overly grade conscious i hope) and good grades are something to work toward, a clear source of motivation and ultimately, something that is closely linked to my happiness and confidence levels. i love my grades. its my only way of measuring myself. trying to tell myself not to be so grade-conscious comes real close to tipping over the edge into a downward bochup spiral. it sounds like an elaborate excuse to not work hard and to merely get through uni, to 'just get by'. based on last sem, i had to work quite hard to be just mediocre, to get acceptable grades. is this a sign that im close to giving up, resigned to a mediocre fate? its only sem1!

i must acknowledge that things have somehow gone haywire since school started. or before school started? time to correct some misconceptions; the above grade-conscious bit is but one thing that has gone wrong.

ive always liked to be associated with a word: excellence. or a phrase: tradition of excellence. maybe its a school thing. in the past, that phrase was a form of motivation to be excellent in anything that i did, be it softball or studies. i would look at any subject i wasnt doing that well in and think about how i could improve. i would not have been happy being ownage at one subject (i wasnt), it wouldve bugged me to no end that i couldnt do well in another. so i preferred being pretty good at most things. what's important here is the fighting spirit and the desire to improve instead of merely accepting that i wasnt naturally good at something.

i cant pinpoint the cause.. is it because of a change in environment? the people around me? or something going on in my head hmm but im sorely lacking this desire to improve and do well right now. maybe its a ive-worked-so-hard-already-when-can-i-enjoy kind of thing? not sure. but im quite sure that my view of softball and studies has changed since last time and what i really need is a return to basics/the old way to counter this almost-resignation to a mediocre fate in school. be good at what im studying right now? why not? it'll take some work, but i'll get there. i was just telling my cousin about working out a progression chart/plan when it comes to A levels. you might start off with S or E or D, but if you work towards an A throughout the 2 years and gradually improve bit by bit, when it comes to A levels you should be about there. its only sem1 so shouldnt have thoughts about being less grade-conscious or about losing motivation. pui!

another myth that has taken hold in my head: time spent on non-studying activities necessarily comes at the cost of studying. hm i think its really about cutting out useless activities like surfing facebook and keeping focus so that study time is efficient and effective. it seems that my brain has lost the ability to focus and get into the pure-study mode due to the holidays and a slack start to this semester. but no worries, just got to start conditioning my mind and to make good use of weekends (havent been doing that so far, most wkends burnt doing other things like playing tourney :o). if im more efficient and effective when it comes to studying, i'll be more confident about using my time in other ways and attending some talks or seminars for a change. unlike this evening!

many of the above seems to tie in with confidence. we were asked in class to rate our confidence level out of ten. i assumed it was an overall confidence thing, so i said 6. i was surprised that there were others who said 3 or 4. if i was giving a number for like public speaking maybe i'll say something modest like 4 but overall 3 or 4? hm dont think so. im sure there are other things that one can feel confident about and that offset the things that one might feel reallll shitty about. i'd say my average level is 6 out of 10 (still suffering from residual effects of lost-mojo) but yeap that one question got me thinking about confidence and my current state. many small things have been pulling my confidence down since school started. time to examine them and view them differently - its a simple mental exercise really. once that's done, i think life will be very different from what it is right now.

arrogance and complacency

2010-09-21T13:03:00.002+08:00

did i ever post about my post-army reflections? well to sum it up,
1. complacency
2. emo

about the first point: on several occasions i felt that army was creating some sort of complacency to develop somehow. maybe it was the attitude that we adopted towards all the talks, courses etc. people around me hardly ever took them seriously, always not paying attention, sometimes sleeping, not bothered, heck care, bochup.. not that i did it all the time, i know that i was at least respectful enough. but some form of complacency was inevitably incepted into my subconscious.. at one random point i was thinking that the whole world functioned on a few basic concepts or relations (mathematical kind) and that i had a fairly ok grasp of all of that already. arrogant bastard! that guy deserves to be punched and to lose some teeth

im glad that that complacency is no longer there. i guess that people who in army become stupider and stupider because they think that theyre smart! thanks for the reality check, civilian world.

about teeth... im going to extract my wisdom teeth later at 4pm. bad way to spend recess week, but it sure beats going through lessons/school in agony. obviously feel a tinge of regret for not doing it during army, but there was no point in time that i could take 1 week of mc and not feel guilty about it. suck thumb and pay the monies

reminder to self: youre only removing the bottom two wisdom teeth, the top two should come out fine, but keep checking and extract them when theyre out

12!

2010-06-28T23:11:00.002+08:00

bought my own p-plate

cos kh's adhesive not sticky anymore

bps

2010-06-22T22:57:00.002+08:00

its actually hard to think about life before RI. temasek primary school is still possible, but i find it almost impossible to recall the finer details of the good 3 years spent staying in bangkok. i gotta admit, rather guiltily, that it was something that i chucked aside in my head because i was so completely cut off from anyone from that time (no facebook, no means of communication and no desire to?) as a kid (and maybe even now), i was used to living in the present, wherever i was and with whoever i was with, and if there wasnt anyone with me i just had to self-entertain.

that's a sad thing to note. even though i was having fun living a carefree life in bangkok, i get the impression that i was left alone quite alot, whenever i was done with school i'd be at home with my mother and maid.

school was great tho. i just have this great big feeling of bliss and happiness when i think about it, even though i cant recall many specific details. lotsa random memories float around, memories of playing tag/catching/police&thief/whatever during breaks, running away from older and faster girls oO, d&t, art lessons, science lessons, swimming lessons, thai lessons, soccer..

i actually went to poke around the cupboard of old photographs just now, searching for my old class photo from bangkok patana. dint manage to find it, although i have a good idea of where it might be.. i did find lotsa photos from sometime during those 3 years in bangkok.. my dad mustve sorted the photos because he put these all in the same paper bag. my eyes felt like they were about to tear when i saw photos of the old apartment.. it was just the living room where the sofas and tv were.. i forgot what all the cupboards and shelves around the television looked like (maybe i was always more focused on the screen) there was another that let me have a sneak peak into my room with the king-sized bed :0 i have no memory of the stuffed toys in that corner behind the door. another was of the balcony where we had that mini pond with a koi and sucker fish in it.. oh man. seeing these pictures totally beats visiting the condo last august and looking at the building from the outside. what about the pingpong table, the pool, the gym? wish that i had more photos.

i found lotsa photos from the many big dinners that my parents brought me along for, where i made friends with this other boy from myanmar and other kids from other countries. i really couldnt communicate with him because he didnt really know english, but at that age "play" didnt need to be spelt out. dinners were pretty boring, i remember running around the hotels and up and down floors more than sitting and eating the food. we also went on trips together to different parts of thailand.. the photos tell so many stories that no longer exist in my mind.

we look so retro in the photos. was it cos everything was taken on film? or were we just wearing retro clothes hm. i believe that film will never die. i'll help to keep it alive!

my parents were living vastly different lives then. f. i feel something about that.

i even found myself in a few pics with dr g during a visit. a few weeks back i was thinking about what an imba guy he was after he passed away. i am completely stunned by that fact that i had actually been that close to him more than a decade ago. once again, the photos tell the stories that no longer exist in my mind.

my first contact with someone from that time was the day of POP when bmt ended. that's when i met alastair, who recognised my name when it was read out and i think he managed to find me? or we met by coincidence. haha it was a great surprise, although we didnt get to talk much i started remembering the times we spent together in school and all. good times. hai, then army life went on.

now two girls from my class in bps have discovered that i was their classmate :0 starting to dig through my memories again!

Kinabalu

2010-06-07T15:18:00.001+08:00

I seem to have come back from the kk trip a different person. For now la. Tired, shag, LS abt twice a day.. Need a rest. But I'm at work! Tmrw got law camp also. Sian diao. Just need to stay home slack and sleep like I did over the wkend. Disturb me when I've recovered :p

Can't wait to see pics when I collect them later tonight!

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Uncomfortable cos its too comfortable

2010-05-27T22:52:00.001+08:00

Path of least resistance :0
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Note about block 85

2010-05-25T21:52:00.000+08:00

It takes about 16min to run from home to block 85, prob less without the waiting at traffic light and answering phone call.

I think that's faster than taking train to tanah merah and taking 14 for 3-4 stops. Plus its nice to run at night and there's a reward at the end of the run.

Supper wif timon and ong
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Emooppl

2010-05-21T11:49:00.001+08:00

People can really take things too hard. That includes me la (sometimes? Hm). But as long as people recover after awhile that's fine. As long as they don't get stuck in a pit of depression for life.

There's a certain type of people who can't handle failure. Some say that these people are usually the elites, the kind who have continually tasted sweet success since they started out and don't know the bitterness of failure. But I think that non-elites are no better at handling failure than elites, because being elite/non-elite doesn't affect how quickly you bounce back from failure. What matters most? Mental strength I guess hm

Whee it is friday

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Freedom to think

2010-05-20T16:49:00.001+08:00

I'm really free enough at work to blog everyday.

Need to improve memory, I'm quite sure that there's a lot more memory space inside my brain that I'm not making use of. The long-term vault bit. So far everything I remember stays in lik a "Temporary Internet Files" folder and gets deleted after awhile.

Nah think I only remember certain impactful things quite clearly and forget most of the rest after awhile. But I want to remember every single thing. I want to be able to recall what I had for lunch ytd without having to think so much. I want to be able to summarise an entire book in a few sentences after I finish reading it. I want to be able to do that for articles I read online or from newspapers. Maybe its practice I need, or extra effort put into remembering stuff.

Details, details. They're important but mustnt get caught up in them. Is that what I'm always afraid of o.O

Realised I haven't posted anything about my lessons from ns. Or have I? :o shld think about it more and try to take it to another level first oo

nice met zhuoyi by chance at simei (we were on the same train) and he came over to borrow luggage bag. Since last night, zr's so called 'daniel yip law' has been at work lol
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Targetboard

2010-05-19T09:57:00.001+08:00

Thinking about what schemes I could be hatching right now. The softballers less james kuanfu and kumarga but plus posef met up ytd. A fishing trip sounds like a good idea, cos we might be able to get ourselves a licensed driver (lewis) hahah but he'll only be back in august zz damn.

We shld start planning soon before the med students have to go back to school! And we shld check out fun stuff to do at kk. Posef said the snorkeling there was the best he had ever done.

Research research. Hatch more schemes for the upcoming events. Technically I'm the one who forced myself to get a job and sit at a desk with a computer, I'm the one who has to figure out how to make the best use of my time whatever the workload. Different environment from home, definitely. What can I do or not do here :0

Blackberry is my saviour. Hope I don't bust my data for the month, gotta cut down whenever possible!

To-think
-fish
-kk
-presents for mark and farhan
-dinner place tonight (zr+cz)
-ora match this sunday

Shall check this list again at the end of the day
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

werk

2010-05-18T16:31:00.001+08:00

What were the goals that I had for these 8-9mths after finishing ns? I'm not too sure myself.

I knew that I had to have some sort of balance between work and play. This doesn't mean that I have to work half the time and play half the time, I just had to at least get a job and touch some work.

The 'play' part has definitely been satisfied by the two long trips to nz and sh. That's actually a lot a lot of time spent away from home. Productive? I sure like to think that it was productive and that I picked up some useful skills or knowledge here and there. Traveling is always good, no?

Have forced some sort of routine on myself by getting a job, gotta see what other activities I can add on. Gotta put in some exercise somewhere. Still got a few things left on the to-do list, go home gotta re-look! Eg e-prep!

Experiencing slightly less bro interaction due to some bros being overseas :o hahaha

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

messy messy

2010-05-10T22:58:00.002+08:00

its great that i can always tell myself that there's something to do, especially during this period of free time and unemployment. slowly working away at that long, long list of things to do. that mighht end next week tho, as i take up a temp admin assistant job with IDA.

so why are there always things to do? i guess i've never stopped finding things to do, small goals to achieve and objectives to meet since army. many are things that i wanted to do after i finished NS while some are things that just appeared suddenly and require immediate attention.

its all well and good when im focusing on a few things at once, maybe two or three? usually its the stuff that appeared suddenly and require immediate attention. haha yesterday the reality hit, there's a lot more that i could be doing. its time to up the efficiency level esp if i want to consider this holiday period "Well-spent". its almost gone! and work is starting soon :o

lotsa random reading and thoughts going on during this particular month or two. if i still had coaching and relief teaching going on i so wouldnt be thinking about stuff besides work and anti-work (any slackish activities that do not require brainpower)

things have been moving in a good direction so far, mainly cos of that one thing. havent really done anything to celebrate the fact that i managed to get what i wanted, im quite glad that its there to set the standard for uni life. i blame it on the feeling of inadequacy because of the large number of friends going overseas lol, but will forget about it when school starts. i know this is super sour grapes, but although going overseas sounds great, im sure that it is not everything hahaha. going to have infinitely more duties and commitments just by studying local. social life slowed down a little this week, but glad for the break and the time to read stuff on bed. many bros are flying off within the week, i foresee a period of great depression!

i've been wondering what's my real source of motivation. if i was left to my own devices i dont think i would amount to much, i think im mostly motivated because of competition. what a noob

this wk is intensive driving week, first time doing circuit tmrw!

james is prob at the airport or on the way there now 2330hrs for his flight at 0130hrs. have a fun trip bro, one day we'll go travel somewhere together

Travel

2010-04-27T07:11:00.001+08:00

Commuting to school, feeling the weak type of hunger (hunger that makes you feel week), wish I can get a good long lazy day at home on the bed, curled up with a good book.

Think about the travelling over the past few months and wondering what's in store during the next 3!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

IMG00043-20100411-1456.jpg

2010-04-11T14:58:00.001+08:00

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

sexy sexy blackberry

2010-02-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

its been perhaps a week or two since i told myself that i had to start jotting stuff down, or writing regularly in order to up my memory level and standard of writing (from whatever level it dropped to during army). today, i got a blackberry bold 9700 and my dad got an iphone hurhur what a day it was. it involved simultaneous queuing at both m1 and singtel at tampines mall and a quick decision making process regarding where to get the blackberry from and where to get the iphone from, so as to gain the maximum utility.

well so here it is now beside me on the bed, a sexy new blackberry for $448 which i do not regret getting (havent paid father back for it yet) and its been an absolute joy to type on, since i have already gotten quite used to it. its definitely has the look, the feel and all the functions that i was looking for in a phone - just need to figure out a couple of mysteries here and there. that's exciting too. who loves a phone that they've got all figured out? haha that applies for people too right

i wanna make it a point to type out thoughts and feelings on the blackberry, or jot it down in a notebook. since jotting down stuff in a notebook isnt as convenient i think i'll try to record stuff down in the blackberry. when ive got the data plan sorted out i can even decide whether to upload it. all in good time, after i get back from shanghai.

the feeling of being back in the 'comfort zone'

2010-01-15T13:17:00.002+08:00

maybe i've really been bitten by the travel bug. if so, its a hard one to put to sleep because i've been feeling restless ever since i got back. yesterday was spent nuahing at home and having a good afternoon nap as a form of recovery from the flight; was still feeling a little woozy in the stomach, probably cos of the beetroot juice my mother made in the morning (it caused a little diarrhea) maybe its good for detox..

today i woke up very early in the morning before my alarm rang, and i couldnt get back to sleep. as i walked out to simei to have a leisurely breakfast of nasi lemak and teh si, i was struck by the lack of stunning scenery around me, and the fact that i was finally, completely, surrounded by asians. just a few days ago, being around any large group of ppl especially in the cities made us go 'ugh'. yesterday i felt like i got into a stranger's car- the seats, dashboard, radio and smell were so different. i instinctively reached low into the corner beside my seat to grab my safety belt buckle (as i always had to do for our rental car) but the safety belt buckle wasnt there. it was suspended higher up. the responsiveness and power of the car seemed too good to be true. but if the car was so powerful, what were we doing traveling only at 80kmph?? what a fking huge feeling of dislocation i felt just then.

my sister says that there's usually a period of PHD after a holiday. that's Post Holiday Depression. it happens just as you start getting back into the groove, prob like how she has to start working again after her Philippines trip. but i dont have a groove or routine, life has been loser-ish after ORD! frankly, im afraid of being lulled into this 'comfort zone' routine of not achieving much everyday, its high time to find things to do and achieve. feel slightly emo as more and more ppl i know seem to be making it in life, making it to great unis or starting on cool jobs. again, its the peer pressure mechanism working to push us all to greater heights haha. actually, its a good feeling. some of us actually thrive on it.

so, back from new zealand, with a little bit more direction and purpose plus a 'feel' of the kind of person we'd like to be when we grow up. the sad thing is that memories of the trip will eventually fade a little, but hopefully this 'feel' lasts long enough to help me make the right decisions in the nxt few years. and hopefully nus law sch is a right decision too.

Cambodia

2009-12-25T21:16:00.006+08:00

I haven't blogged in an amazing amount of time. My last post was officially on the 12th of November 2008, but i suspect that after JC, i haven't been doing much blogging. I could be seen trying to struggle with a couple of posts during Medicine year1, but there was nothing substantial.

I would say that my worldview has changed countless of times after I left JC with all its flowery language and dreamy subjects of GP and economics. I have left my previously academic-type focus to more "realistic" pursuits, such as learning how to operate rifles, machines guns and rocket launchers for 6 months in NS, followed by the basic sciences of medicine. At the same time, i learnt how to drive a car, how to earn a steady income through tuition, and many other practical things necessary for survival as a 20 year old. Yet after a 2 year hiatus post-A levels, I come to realise that I have returned back to thinking about the same old problems of economics and human happiness in a academic fashion.

I just had a 10 day trip in Cambodia, doing a CIP project called Project Lokun. basically, we run health screenings plus education for primary school children, and also clinics for villages, in the province of Pursat in Cambodia. I would have to leave all details out; you can catch 1 30 minute show on us on Channel News Asia come January if you want to know more (i think). What i would want to focus on during this blog post would be the stark reminder that this Project has given me: that even if I am consumed by the hecticness of my everyday life here in Singapore, there are real people in other parts of the world who are suffering, and their suffering must be shared by us.

I have (and i say this with a bitter taste of regret), focused a lot more on myself and my own life during the past 2 years. All altruistic crusades or save-the-world goals that I had when i was in JC have somewhat been shelved, put aside for a later date, when army hit me. That was the first blow; army really made me go into a survival mode where my main goal of the week was to book out and grab some precious time with my family and gf.

The second blow came along when it slowly hit me that my life had a lot more freedoms and responsibilities, as i evolved from JC to army to university. It was a joy to be able to do so many different things now that I'm older and trusted to be able to take care of myself; at the same time i had to handle a lot more problems on my own too. All this led to a narrower world view: What I had, what i can do, What will happen to me if i did this/that. I hardly give other more distant concerns such as being environmentally friendly, caring for the socio-economic problems of the world, a second thought.

What i see in Cambodia is a need for clean water and electricity, for engineers to build pipes, cables, roads for people to gain access to transported goods. I see not only a medical problem, but a social one, a economic one, and that is something that I am helpless against, with my studies in medicine coming in useful only to sooth the hurt could have been prevented by better means. I try to think of solutions that we can provide them with during our health education program, only to find myself repeat the words, "clean water, clean water" every 2-3 sentences that i use. At the end of every dangerous situation i describe, I have to say, "if that happens, please go and see the doctor in CROAP (a local agriculture centre where there is a doctor occasionally on fridays)

All this always make me think if I could have done more by studying economics or something else. Medicine is a great art to learn and a difficult one to master, but during this trip, I feel at a complete loss when faced with the sight of poverty. Perhaps this feeling of helplessness is why God tells us to not rely upon ourselves, but to put our trust in him. I have chosen my calling in Medicine; how much of an impact I can make with my skills will be limited. The most i can do is to hope that the act of helping them ease their pain temporarily allows me to extend a glimmer of hope to them for a moment, to show that someone out there cares for their plight.

there is so much to do, and yet so few willing hands.

penguin book sale at expo

2009-12-04T00:43:00.003+08:00

some guy at the penguin book sale made my day today

zhuoyi and i went there to look around this evening. i was walking around with 4 books in my hand and was browsing through when some complete stranger walked up to me and asked 'hi, may i know where you got 'the secret history of the american empire' from?'

what does this show?!

its so weird, people at book sales are completely focused on the spines of the books on the tables, nobody actually looks at people around them. i thus came to the conclusion that: i looked damn smart and intellectual and he was interested in what i was buying to read. i mean, he actually checked out what books i had in my hand right? lol!

after that i continued browsing, trying to look even more intellectual

long haired cat

2009-11-18T01:31:00.004+08:00

was playing with this friendly cat one night on the way home. this was after playing with a wandering golden retriever that slobbered on my foot. i liked the sheepish expression it gave me when it went to one side for a pee break

home

2009-11-13T23:40:00.002+08:00

life at home has pretty much settled into a kind of routine, though its not the kind of routine i want to maintain for a very long time. for now, its a pretty comfortable existence that could be considered the civilian conversion course that i've always thought about undergoing

some things have got to change tho.

1. add in more exercise. preferably a sport and not a 'forced' activity like running
2. decrease tendency to go on computer
3. read stuff non-stop for longer and not have short attention span
4. more planning ahead for useful things to do in the months ahead
5. more outings dun stay at home whole day

tomorrow is the day i will achieve items 1,4,5 and in so doing, 2 as well!

still got the sad feeling that life has not progressed, that life was really put on hold when we entered NS. the govt just pushed the 'pause' button and theyre not gonna push 'resume' till we enter uni. oh well. intend to do some constructive stuff during this time, try as many things as possible and do some fun things

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

2009-11-10T01:16:00.001+08:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

reservist

2009-10-28T23:27:00.002+08:00

monday was a block leave day. but went back to camp for medical ffi and meeting with divcomd. medical ffi wasnt much, just let coy medic poke me to take a blood sample for HIV testing then see doc in afternoon for <5min>

the meeting with divcomd was the so-called highlight of the day. wanted to describe how inspiring it was to meet him and 9sib comd (ns man) but lost a lot of my ideas and thoughts since that day..

but we now 'see' more, know more about what could happen to us during the 10yr bn cycle and thereafter.. its quite overwhelming. if the regular big shots like div comd and ppl like the 9sib commander can see so much good in what they're doing, then who am i to say anything? all i can do is wait and see, but it sounds pretty exciting. honestly.

had cambridge interview this morning, not sure if it was good or bad, it did feel good but then again, interviews are always deceiving and can turn out either way. anyway they gotta consider the written test too. best is to stop thinking about it, let the admissions people handle it and just write me a letter in january about the result zz

NE course tomorrow and friday

no. of working days to ORD?

2009-10-18T19:29:00.003+08:00

i count 14 working days. or 3 more weeks before my pink ic comes back to me. ORD quiz done? yup. ORD dental and medical ffi? done. ORD clearance form? time to get started.

my feelings about ord-ing are quite mixed. i dont know what i should feel - a part of me looks back at the 1yr 10mths and wonders how it couldve been better, another part of me looks forward at the 10yrs of ORNS cycle that we'll all have to get through (a possible 20 more years for officers) and thinks about what being an OC is gonna be like. big events ahead, definitely. greater responsibility, more demanding, more challenging.. what if there is war? suddenly have great respect for the NSmen i met during AIOC. It's amazing how NS is gonna remain such a big part of any Singporean male's life - even after ORD><

going to be sent back to camp later tonight to be doo tomorrow on our deepavali holiday. real depressing to tio extra duty the month before ORD when other officers can be Excused DOO by their OCs and others have understudies for their appointments and such an excess of officers in their unit that they do not have to be DOO. or their DOO duty could be really slack in comparison, put in charge of 1 building instead of an entire complex. hah, talking to other delta guys in the mess that day really brought back all these points of unhappiness.

it was good to see ex wingmates and to host them in the mess (for once dun need to travel) anyway i happened to be doo on friday so had to be in camp (the yellow doo tag on my chest immediately gained everybody's sympathy). im actually happy about all those points of unhappiness that come up whenever we talk with officers from other units.. could it be a 'delta' mindset coming in? that ive got bragging rights because i get tekaned more than you, your complaints are minor issues, i go through the most shit so stop whining! i am damn sure only cadets could have that kind of mentality. the men are not so stupid, why go through so much shit? pride can eat one ah? (ok they dun really say that) ive always thought that having that kind of 'delta' mindset is kinda worrying lol. abit cruel to oneself.

this particular mindset change might just be one of many that occurred during this 1yr10mths as a NSF. what else has changed? its a question arthur kenneth me and i think david the signaller were randomly discussing in the office once. i think its difficult to pinpoint what has changed, but small changes in attitudes and mindsets here and there probably add up to be big changes. i wouldnt trade the chance to be in unit for anything, but we've got to see how much it has affected us. that discussion we had was interesting must really note down some stuff arthur said hmm

think about it sometime

...

2009-03-16T00:01:00.002+08:00

yip says:

what kind of values or beliefs do you think i hold strongly to

yip says:

serious question

keefe* thanks everyone for all the support! says:

being second most handsome after keefe

yip says:

i just posted that up on blog

keefe* thanks everyone for all the support! says:

nice

Number of parties: Not what matters in a democracy

2008-11-30T00:07:00.002+08:00

Hi everybody, this Hong Shen the guest blogger again!

I've been so irked by the naive comments that I read in ST Forum that I decided to write an essay in while doing my BDO duty in the Ops Room:

-----------------------

Number of parties: Not what matters in a democracy

I REFER to the current debate on the efficacy of Singapore's largely one-party political system.

Last Saturday, Mr Rayner Teo ('Logic favours two-party system') and Mr Vincent Tan ('Government better off with checks and balances') rightly pointed out the dangers of how monolithism can be Singapore's bane, but failed to understand the essence of democracy. Diversity of voices and variegated constitutional representation may be loosely classified as components of democratic governance, but by themselves they are not democracy.

Democracy is not about having a cacophony of voices. It is not about positive discrimination. Democracy is about levelling the ground, and bringing every citizen to the same level. It is about empowering the minority, preventing tyranny by the majority, while synergising the actions of citizens towards the goals of a puritanic society. It must harmonise voices and act as a conduit for all members of society. A multi-party system is not a sure way to achieve the perfect ideals that underline an ideal democracy - but effective and potent democratic institutions are.

Democratic institutions such as the media, community representative groups (racial, religious and so on), think-tanks (political, social or economic) and labour unions are powerful tools to keep any single power in check. Communities of foreign workers and multinational corporations ensure that the Government will not adopt xenophobic policies; local communities ensure that the Government will take care of its citizens. The platforms available for these discussions (via the think-tanks and unions) allow both parties to find a common ground where a mutually commutative relationship can exist. The media then acts as broadcaster and watchdog of these policies and the flux in the system. All democratic institutions in this complex chain are both mutually empowering and disempowering. This is the true essence of democracy - when there are many avenues for discourse, and each is as significant as the others.

Yes, we may lack active political and citizenry introspections of what qualifies Singapore-the-country as Singapore-the-country.Yes, our political scene is not as exciting as that of Taiwan. Our politicians do not go on hunger strike, nor do they exhibit their elocution qualities on a daily basis. I am relieved they do not. Such infatuation with one perfect avenue (political discourse) will only poison the other (media).

British prime minister Winston Churchill once said that the citizens of a democratic society always want their leaders to put their ears to the ground. But when the leaders do so, how are they able to hear everyone? We must understand our roles in a democratic society firstly as citizens. We provide the information via democratic institutions, and elect good men and women to do what our leaders should do - harmonize our voices.

This can be readily achieved in single- or multi-party system. It just cannot be achieved in a system that has no democratic institutions. And that should have been the focus of our attention and debates.

Sng Hong Shen

http://www.straitstimes.com/ST+Forum/Online+Story/STIStory_306249.html

-----------END----------

oh man

2008-11-12T21:21:00.002+08:00

i have been so busy with everything here. sorry for not blogging!

here's just a quote to nibble on.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try against tomorrow."

-Mary Anne Radmacher

back from holiday

2008-10-29T10:01:00.002+08:00

being in a foreign country usually gets me thinking about the differences between that country and singapore. from my recent trip ive concluded that we have a society that's quite amazing and diverse and everything yet lacking in a lot of ways. but we cant be everything. and in the end i think everyone still prefers the orderliness, safety, peacefulness etc that we have.. dun take it for granted lol

quite a memorable trip esp the last few days ^^ left a lifestyle of fried food, milk tea and instant mee behind. there was also lotsa walking around night markets and small streets looking for cheap cheap stuff which we did find. the stuff in shopping centres just wasnt what we were looking for lol so we found shopping centres real boring.

visited the municipal baseball stadium which was unfortunately run down and unused. 7 other friends went there w me on a wasted trip altho we did walk along the love river nearby. and went to the carrefour nearby to buy food stuffs tho there wasnt as many types there as we expected.

went back to the hotel with 2 others after that to drop off everyone's food. the rest went to check out the newest biggest shopping centre but were disappointed. was quite happy that i dint waste time haha. instead, we walked down the shoe-street near the hotel and went back to the baseball shop that i found in the morning (but it was closed then) so i managed to get a pair of softball boots cheap, which really made my day cos i was real happy about it.

felt weird after that free and easy day cos it was one of the only times i walked ard shopping for an entire day oO but i dint just buy stuff for myself bought stuff for ppl also. its quite fun and satisfying to give ppl stuff. bought a new nike bag for myself oo. that moment was when i accepted the fact that i have to pay money to get good stuff lol paid about s$54 for it after discount ^^ its actually quite rare that i spend money on stuff like that haha. the same bag's 69.90 at sportslink heh.

time to get back to the old lifestyle.. glad to be back tho

Mothers

2008-10-03T04:08:00.003+08:00

Hi dudes, this's Hong Shen here again with this ad-hoc post on MOTHERS:

When was the last time that you stood up for your mum?

I thought of that question as I stood outside the gates of my house, separated from the warmth and comfort of my humble abode by a cold, meshed gate filled with doubt and pensiveness. At that moment, the gate turned into a mirror as I started to question myself: "Why was it that I was so tentative about calling the house phone, wake my mother up, and get her to open the gate for me?"It must have been that I have not done anything worthy for her to make such sacrifices for me.

If you had taken more than a second to think of an instance when you actually did stand up for your mum, you must have not made her a top priority in your life. You might even have turned the question on its head, and pour vitriolic comments about how your mum had forgotten to cook your favorite mushroom omelet last Sunday when you had requested her to do so.

The shame is, should you ask your mum when was the last time you let her down, she would most probably reply in a matter-of-fact fashion that you had not disappointed her before. She would then extol your qualities while blithely ignoring your blatant shortcomings.

She would not recall the morning when you woke her up at 3am to open the gates for you because you had forgotten to bring the house keys out. She would not recall the time when she had to clean up the living room after you had swept through the house like Hurricane Ike. She would not recall the time when she cleaned up your vomit when you were running a high fever. She would not recall how she gave up her dreams to travel around the world and to pursue her literary interests to make sure that you would be able to travel around the world and pursue your literary interests. She sacrifices for you without your knowledge. In that moment of the question, she suffers from a selective amnesia that stems from her maternal instinct.

The age old aphorism is that "Mothers know the best for her children". Rather, it seems to me that, "A mother only thinks that her child is the best". It is an inexorable truth that in our mothers' eyes, we are flawless creations from their wombs. We are forgiven by our mothers for even the most heinous of crimes and showered with their unconditional love.

So dudes, treasure your mums.

The short end of the stick though, is that as creations from our mums' wombs, we are often seen as the mirror of their lives. Our mums (and our dads) see parts of themselves in us, and thus wish for us to accomplish what they failed to do. That's the root of their endless nagging.

Medicine as a career

2008-09-30T18:52:00.001+08:00

lack of sleep

2008-09-19T22:45:00.002+08:00

i have been suffering from a lack of sleep over the past few weeks, mainly because of the high mugging load that is placed upon us (a for anatomy) and the high amount of CCA activities that i've joined (NUS softball, KEVII softball, KEVII floorball, KEVII handball, KEVII photo comm, Catholic Medical Students Society), along with a few other committments (tuition, etc). Even though I'm really having a very good time with my life, but the lack of sleep has been affecting me rather adversely.

as everyone knows, its not as if i have not been exposed to conditions with very/no sleep. In fact, i have gone a few days without (or v.v.v.little) sleep, and i didn't die from the experience. however, doing the same in med. school is difficult. You won't die, but you don't exactly gain ground by not-sleeping throughout the entire semester. 1 night is fine, maybe even 2, but your body will catch up with you. I tried pushing it a little, and even though i felt "alright", and forced myself to stay awake during lectures, i could feel myself slowing down in terms of absorption and thinking. My neurons were literally screwing up on me, firing signals left right center without coordination.

thank god it's recess week. It's time for me to take a break, catch a good night of sleep, sit down and re-wire my system.

Anyway i have been to the hospitals a few times over the past 6 weeks, and we have been conversing with patients to get a feel of how working as a doctor might feel like, etc. even though we didn't know any medical knowledge that is worthwhile, we could still learn from the general process of getting to know the patient and establishing rapport. to be able to present myself as a pretty helpless medical student, just as lost as the patient, was a large advantage, in my opinion. It really helped the patients open up to us, as compared to how they might treat a year3 student (who might act as if he knew something). We came under no-pretense of wanting to treat the patient; we were merely there to listen. and listen we did.

even though you might say that whatever exposure we got is pretty minute in comparison to the amt of patient-contact that m3-5s get, and we simply got a sneak preview of the real thing. In fact, by m5, housemanship, we'll probably get a little jaded of the whole patient thing.

even so.. i feel that this program was worth my time and definitely benficial to all of us. at least now we know what we're studying for.

back again

2008-08-30T18:09:00.003+08:00

been away from singapore for a good 3 weeks. and as usual there's that same feeling that 'it all went by so quickly' which is a bad thing, because i'll prob forget some of the little important things that contributed to the entire experience that i had. there are countless things that i just did without thinking too deeply about. i dun think i'll forget any of them easily

i know a lot of other people who felt that the 3 weeks took forever to be over.. i blame my own emotional detachment for making the entire trip seem short, for making me live in the present and only caring about whats around me, for preventing me from thinking of my home, family and friends in singapore. whenever others spoke of how much they missed their parents or their own beds at home, i was left wondering how much these things back in singapore mattered to me.

i must admit and remember that for a few brief moments during the trip i was actually quite overwhelmed by emotion. actually i would only admit to 2 occasions. one was after some fked up bashing that messed up our morale real badly. the breakpoint was when one of our instructors gave each of us an encouraging half-hug that made me fking surprise myself because i felt tears coming to my eyes. it felt like we had gone thru a long ordeal. later on i found out from another friend that he felt exactly the same way at that point. but once the first tear comes out, there arent any more. at that point i think i dint have to continue to cry or sob anymore already. the nxt phase was gonna be more exciting

i got through the next phase just being focused on fighting coldness and wetness. the real misery of it all didnt hit me or occur to me until the entire thing was over. so easy for one to feel miserable in the rain at night even with a buddy for company. spending every night alone shouldve been traumatic lol maybe i knew it was gonna end soon. all i could think of was getting as much sleep as possible. it did rain without fail from about 4pm onwards till the nxt morning for every single day. nice. i value dryness and warmth above all else now. and hot soup.

my other kinda emo moment was when i touched down in singapore and received the welcome back call from james and keefe.. thanks guys >< lol

a few things i might wanna remember:
APBs (i.e. david, timon and me)
invincible glucose
quail meat>>>>chicken
salt is good
****ing nipah leaves all on the other side!!
flooding. dunno where the innards went
heavenly banana
teh tarik (both the real one and the one that you must add puritab to)
nasi lemak and food
night market food
had a good rod but didnt go fishing :(

lethargy

2008-08-29T00:41:00.002+08:00

well.

i have been busy doing nothing but work since the start of my day (7am). Although it's a whole load of fun, and i'm doing it with great people, i must say that i'm pretty tired.

I woke up, had breakfast, and basically rotted away in a lecture theater from 830am till 3pm. I spent an hour in the library trying to read up from the textbook what i had been learning for the past 7 and a half hours, and after an hour of that, i proceed back for a tutorial. so my academic day ends at 5, and that's just the beginning! i head back to the hall for dinner (and to get my softball equipment), and after that i go to the Sports and Recreation Center (SRC) to train until 9.30pm. After that, back to hall, and at 1030pm, i have Medics supper until 1230am or so.

It's a hectic 16 hours of non-stop action. You might wonder, do i give myself rest days? is every day like that for me? and i would have to say, probably, everyday is about the same for me. i don't rest much. However, what the above paragraph missed out was, the people in my day.

i had breakfast with Ben ho and Gerard: they are great people, my catholic friends.
i attended lecture with Cun Zhi, Clifton, Han Loong: another bunch of cool guys. I studied in the library with Yi Ding, had tutorial with Ee chong Denise Nikki Mae yue and finally went back to hall and had dinner with nikki denise. i trained with yi rui keefe and all the other NUS softballers, who are really great to be around. coming back to hall and having supper with the medics was a great experience: they are slowly growing onto me, the medicine society.

I'm just so happy to be around the people that i love, and i don't mind not sleep much, not resting much, stressing myself out, just to spend time with them. (:

anyway, for all the Delta guys who just flew back at 1.58am, 29th august 2008, WELCOME BACK TO SINGAPORE! YOU GUYS HAVE COMPLETED Jungle Confidence Course, BE PROUD OF IT! well, i must say. i can't really say that i'm manly until i have completed that course. (: full kudos to them!

even as every phase of my life throws me a new set of people to be around, i believe that i will feel that i can always return to each "family" that i belong to at any point of time. Even though we might be all separate in our own different paths (ie. softballers), all it takes is 1 reunion, and all the feelings of friendship will slowly resurface. Even though it's not exactly "just like old days", the important part, the friendship, will always be there.

WELCOME BACK DANIEL!!!!!!! *bet he's enjoying his shower now*

cancer talk

2008-08-24T21:49:00.006+08:00

attended a cancer talk on saturday. it was a rainy morning, a beautiful one. that morning i woke up with a jolt, even though i had spent the entire night doing up a KEVII m1 list and had only slept 4 hrs. At the back of my mind, even while i was sleeping, i was thinking: "i mustn't oversleep and miss the talk."

to me, my perception was that the cancer talk would be informing me about the latest treatments used against cancer, how they worked, where cancer treatment was heading. i wanted to hear about the tips in working in oncology, and how cancer research is like. i felt that it would be extremely useful as a medical student, for me to listen to an informative talk like that.

when i sat down for the first talk, it was about the technical details on fighting cancer. what were the new techniques, so on and so forth. i thought that it was good, even though i felt drowsy most of the time, because it was really dry. i was thinking, "maybe the talk isn't going to be as beneficial as it seemed it would be."

then came the second speaker, a Palliative care specialist. her talk was very personal, filled with photos of cancer patients who were beyond cure, but not beyond hope, and definitely not beyond care. She showed us pictures of how certain patients were suffering, and to fresh M1s who haven't visited the wards yet, it was obvious that cancer is a very cruel and ugly disease. she then showed how care could help them live the last days of their lives as best as they could be lived, may it be giving them the ability to read the newspapers, having someone to play the xbox with them, giving them the opportunity to cook for the entire hospice, or the state of mind to play with their young children. There were many photos of cancer patients who were young, who had little children, and who were going to die. There was a slide with a letter written by a 5 year old girl whose mom was dying. it was very touching and quite a few people starting tearing. for me, i really couldn't help but have my eyes water a little, even if it was pretty embarrassing. cancer is such a strange disease. Even though it limits the number of days we have left on earth, it grants us the wisdom to see how precious every addition second of our life is, and how well it can be lived. To me, the lecture by this second speaker, and the following nurses and consultant who talked after her, was more meaningful than all the technical talk by the first speaker. It conveyed to me the gist of what cancer care is about.. it's about the cognition of life, of realizing that when lives are about to end, the human touch, the soft side of medicine, is just about as the hard side.

even though all the m3s,m4s,m5,m6s and all the doctors will read what i wrote, and snort with a "let him say all that again after 99821761 hours in NUH, 99141 hours with snell, guyton, mark's and baby moore (medical textbooks)." but, as a M1, i reserve my right to be wildly optimistic and highly ambitious. I know in 6 years time, i will probably be jaded about the whole thing, with a tinge of regret in my heart for signing that bond, and with a strong desire to go home and collapse upon my bed. however, i just hope that, even if i have seen a zillion million patients, may i never forget how precious every single life is. one thing i learned in the army is that people get used to their environment, they get accustomed to whatever is around them. they aren't surprised by familiar things, in fact, they get bored of them. I hope that i can defy all logic and still feel the same way about such things as i do now as a M1. it would be a blessing if i could use that as my motivation throughout my life.

The Last Lecture and The Green Mile

2008-08-23T12:49:00.003+08:00

Hi everybody, this's guest blogger Hong Shen here again. My third post is dedicated to James, Keefe, Yi Rui and other doctor-wannabes.

In Ward 57 of NUH, life is measured in days, not love; hopelessness, not dreams. It is akin to The Green Mile – most patients there are stricken with terminal cancer and/or late stage cancer which has not reached the stage of metastasis/malignant. Unfortunately, my Aunt has been sleeping on Bed 39 of that ward for a couple of weeks so far. It is a stodgy place to go to on a Sunday.

It was not hard to miss my Aunt. Anyone who turns from the main walkway into Ward 57 would catch her yellowish eyes and skin at first glance (she is currently also down with jaundice). She was emaciated and reduced to skin and bones. I would have never imagined her to look like this many years ago when she regularly took us out to play. It was really difficult to look her in her melancholic eyes. Hitherto, I've never been able to handle the death of anyone around me, it is something that I have always eschewed throughout my life.

As I looked around the ward, I could sense the endemic of hopelessness. The patients there would have been crying all day long if they had the energy to do so. Most of them are assailed by the tumours all day-long, and their agony goes unabated despite the best efforts of the noble angels in white. Consequently, each of them built up his/her own bastion with through silence (isolating themselves from the world) or love (with their loved ones around them). On Bed 36 was an old lady who hung her wig on the wall. On Bed 37 was an old lady who slept throughout the duration of my visit there. On 38 was a lady who was shielded by the curtain most of the time. On Bed 40 was an old lady who has been in comatose for a long time. Her loved ones huddle at her bedside to keep her company. The common denominator of everyone in Ward 57 was that they were living life on a countdown. The clock on the wall was indicative of something more than the time of the day. It was indicative of the time they have left on this world.

Darn, I don't know if there's anything I can do for her now. I remember my promise to buy her and Uncle a bottle of Cordon Bleu.I had expected them both to age gracefully and revel at my achievements when I grow into my own man. Not like this – she doesn't deserve an exit like this. If there were anything I could do to ameliorate her circumstances, I would.

But I've been heartened after reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, a Carnegie Mellon University Professor who only just passed away last month.

I hate to have to sum up his book - a summary doesn't really pay testament to the depth of his words - but these are my favourite phrases in verbatim in the book:

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity

Walt Disney: You can do what you can dream of

Brick walls are there to show how much you really want something

Be the first penguin

If you can't pay it back, pay it forward

The book's overriding theme is that it is a Father's last lesson to his children. Randy Pausch will not be able to see his children grow up – and as such, he has to teach them what he wants to teach in the next twenty years in his Last Lecture. That is the second “head-fake” of his lecture. The first head-fake was that he was not teaching everybody how to achieve childhood dreams – he was teaching them how to live their lives the right way.

His life was magical, and he had answers to several of the questions at the back of my head. He was rejected by Brown University, but he bugged them to admit him from the wait-list. He was rejected by CMU, but kind of got his way in through his Professor. He was rejected by Jai, but still managed to get his lady in the end at the age of 39. After talking to Aston the night before, I might just convince myself to line my face with the calluses after years of practices (my euphemism for FAILURES) again this year. Time and time again he faced brick walls, but time and time again he scaled them or got thrown over the wall.

But most importantly, he fulfilled his childhood dreams and led an austere life filled with happiness. He did not get dissed when Jai wrecked his cars because he believed that cars are meant to get people from point A to B, and not to represent a person's status and wealth. He didn't want to spend time and energy – both of which are finite – on something he deemed worthless.

Perhaps, just perhaps – teaching might be my calling. Providing disadvantaged children with the education that I envision and that I missed out on as a kid might be the thing that I would wake up at 6am for. This 10 weeks of course might just be an epoch in my life.

But first, it's time to think of what I dreamt of as a child...I don't remember having the free reign to dream or being told that I have the efficacy to make a difference to the world. I'm not bemoaning my plight. Billions of people out there would gladly exchange their lives with mine. I don't blame my mum for not providing my brothers and me with the kind of education that I felt I deserved. She had a job to do, and the job was to put the food on the table.

Hitherto, this writer would like to deplore the death of Professor Randy Pausch, and also deplore the conditions at The Green Mile.

Living to love is an inexorable truth and an axiom. It is a shame that death is often the most effective lesson of life. I'd always like to think of myself as some 100year-old man who stepped into a time machine and was given a second chance to relive his live.

I haven't been in this pensive mood for a long long time.

P.S. Randy Pausch also did mention about how the $10 gift to him by a Disney employee spun off more than $100 000 of revenue for Disney in the next decade. I hope that those vagrants I've helped are doing well.

night

2008-08-22T02:04:00.003+08:00

it seems as if the night brings out the best in me. Although i feel like crap, my eyes start to water and hurt, and i really want to sleep, sometimes i manage to sleep into this.. surreal state, whereby i feel quiet and still, while being excited about life, all at the same time.

maybe it is the quiet of the night, maybe it's my brain going slightly bonkers from sleep deprivation, i don't know: all i know is that its an amazing experience that i really enjoy every time i burn midnight oil. Everything about my life becomes very clear; i seem to know what i need to do, despite the whole "last-minute work"ness of the whole thing. My judgment becomes exceptionally acute, i know what i want, i know jpw to achieve what i want.

At the same time, when i listen to music, it brings me into a similar trance-like clarity. music is able to influence me into feeling emotions that the music conveys, im sure everyone knows that; however, at night, when you listen to a song, you really feel like the singer is trying to speak to you and help you understand him. In plato's republic (plato's book on how he would run a republic), plato describes how he would ban music and poetry as they distracted man from his work. I must agree and disagree with him. I agree that music can be very distracting, but then i feel that music enhances the way we experience the world. it makes us feel emotions that we might not be able to feel if we were confined to our own personal experiences. poetry does the same. music and poetry are mediums of human emotion: we use them to communicate to one another how we feel, how being human is like. Music makes me feel alive, and that feeling is amazing.

Despite the fact that im trying to do my healthcare ethic tutorial at 3am in morning, with a 830am lecture coming my way soon, i like it here. i am alone, yet i am not alone. i look forward to tomorrow, because i know that life is special, that we only live once, that we must enjoy every moment of our lives. there is no specific train of thought that i followed to come to such conclusions, they are simply feelings that i get when i stare out of my window into the pale darkness of KEVII hall, at the light corridors in C block across where i live.

maybe it's something similar to what NS does to you. Only when you're removed from a particular environment, will you start to observe your past environment as an outsider, and appreciate what you had, what you were enjoying.

if i spend the first 18 hours of my day socializing with my medicine classmates, my hallmates, my softball mates, my personal friends, maybe the last 6 hours are to be spent alone.

the first week of school

2008-08-15T22:49:00.001+08:00

the first week of school has been fantastic. university life, seems to be heaven! (:

although the lectures have been running from 8.30am to around 5pm every day and it's really tiring to attend all of them. most of the time i end up falling asleep during the lectures, but i have been limiting myself to 10 minute naps when it gets really boring, so i hope i haven't been missing much.

I think the situation will improve when i get my notebook, that's when i'll start taking down notes during the lectures. That bit of action will probably keep my brain running all the way, instead of slowing down and rolling downhill into slumber. Yes, i haven't gotten my notebook yet! It's a Lenovo T400 which cost me $2000, but it hasn't come yet. The first batch of T400 notebooks came into NUS on the 15th of August (2 days ago), so you can see why i haven't gotten it yet. i called the NUS IT CO-OP people, and they told me that i should expect to wait another week or so.

Not having a notebook, not having access to the internet, or to MSN messenger, might seem like a torture to you, but actually it is a liberation. The path has been chosen for me everytime i get back to my room after a tiring day of classes: I will take a breather before heading out for sports sports and more sports!!

There has been interblock games going on for my hall, KEVII, and it has been a blast so far. Floorball, Touch Rugby, basketball, handball, everything! amazing. (: i really enjoy the ability to find myself in a basketball game 5 minutes after walking out of my room!

Another great thing about staying in hall (a very obvious point) is that its REALLY NEAR NUS. In fact, it's on the NUS campus. It's a 5 minute walk, or 10-15 minute bus ride (including a waiting time of 5-10 minutes). What an amazing feeling! I haven't stayed within an hour of my school since primary 6, and now i get back to my room 15 minutes after lecture ends. WOW.

im gearing up for the second week of med school, still in the excited freshman mode. woohoo! wish me luck!

sian!

2008-08-06T23:33:00.004+08:00

block leave is more sian than i thought. the day feels long->im not having fun. this afternoon was well spent watching the cdiv final and watching them win! quite happy for them and happy that i was there to catch all the action. realll great to see them fight hard for it. being at a softball final sure brings back a lot of good memories. then i snap back to the present.

this morning and evening were not well-spent! sianness. reason: most friends are not free.

i know: i dun have mood for civilian life because i know its just temporary

hm. closer to the moment i have to leave singapore

The Fragility of Life

2008-08-04T02:02:00.003+08:00

Alright dudes, this's part 2 on the Fragility of Life in the lexicon of an Infantry-trained (now Guards) soldier who might get a bullet in his ass one of these days. This guy is better known as Hong Shen to his mates. Enjoy:

Steve Jobs once said that "If you live everyday as you would on your last day, one day you would most certainly be right" (Stanford Commencement Speech 2006). Will that day be today? If today should be the day, how then would you end it? Truth be told, we would never know - but what would you do if your life was put on a countdown and you knew the count?

The fragility of life never fails to hit me in the soft spot. I just had a sharing session with Maj Mufu from the US Army a week ago, and it was interesting to say the least. Maj Mufu could have been killed by a 400-pound explosive back in Iraq, but by a stroke of luck, he never did get the chance to meet the Lord prematurely in a heap of burnt, minced flesh. He was lucky not only once, but twice - a bullet barely missed his head in a firefight with militants. What was it that he had done at some point in his life that made the Lord deem his life more worthy than the thousands of other soldiers who have sacrificed their lives on the battlefield? We can always do the math, and come to a conclusion that Mufu must have scored more points somehow someway. But the simple truth is, that is simply how fragile life really is. A few centimeters might be the difference between life and death, and a heap of flesh and an alive-and-kicking Mufu. The soldiers who die during battles just simply run across the lines in hope that the bullet doesn't hit them. They die without having the time to say their last prayers.

Life is fragile. To those people who often don't give a second thought before killing a fly or an ant, do remember this: somewhere out there, a falling flower pot or a reckless driver might just take away everything you have earned so far in an instant, without thought, without remorse.

The power and wonders of the human spirit is like a candle flame. It burns brightly and beautifully, but it doesn't take much to put it out. (The encik who taught all Cadets to the 68/07 batch everything there is to know about claymore mines had just passed away.) So cheers dudes, cherish everything you have. Live life with courage, wisdom, integrity and rectitude.

I'm not asking for you to live an ascetic life, but to spend your time meaningfully, so that you'll be able to sing Frank Sinatra's "I Did It My Way" loudly and proudly on your deathbed without any regrets.

You have read the caveat, act on it dudes. Start by reading all of Mitch Albom's books, or watch his movies here on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/SupportiveKrew

Wasting Time? Change your lens!

2008-08-04T01:49:00.003+08:00

Hi dudes, Hong Shen here. It's been a long time since you all have heard from me, but I would like to take this chance to guest blog about what has been the topic of the week for Daniel and James (esp as Daniel's flying off to meet Mother Nature at oft-neglected back porch).

The first entry would be on time. Enjoy:

It's both inspiring and depressing to know that the great men and women that we acclaim to be the epitome of the human spirit and the pioneers of our race...have the same number of minutes everyday as you and I do. It's uplifting as we now know that we have the ability and time to spearhead a new movement or to discover a panacea that would save our race. At the same time, it's depressing as none of us have done so although we have been given the same time as King, Curie, Gandhi, Kennedy and Gates did. How then can we make the full use of time?

Time is what we make of it - this is an oft-spoken statement that needs no explanation. However, we are more often than not wont to taking our foot off the pedal when not under the pressure of the clock, and pressing full-speed-ahead when the clock counts down. Many people lack the discipline to make full use of the seconds and minutes. This has something to do with human nature to only react to stimuli.

Many a time during every Singaporean's course of duty to the country, he/she often questions the rush-to-wait,wait-to-rush mentality of the organization. He/she complains that precious time is wasted. Fred Cheong would disagree with that though. He did teach me a very important lesson in life on one of the most time-wasting and boring days of my life when I was an usher for the VIPs for a parade (just imagine standing by a door for 2 hours for a one-minute task of sheltering someone general's wife). Fred Cheong (US Seals and Rangers trained) told me that in every second at any place, something can be learned if one's eyes and mind are open. Our minds are like parachutes, and they work best when they are open - this coming from an airborne ranger! He told me to observe and scrutinize the mannerism of the big shots, and how people interact with one another. I must have the the most keen student of human psychology at that moment!

In retrospect, I totally concur with Fred. Most of the times, the most important lessons in life are covert, not overt. Most of the time these lessons are esoteric and only understood by open-minded,positive people. One can grumble all day long, while shitting on his A-Frame beside Sungei Batuh Apoi, about the shit-ass days of JCC, but one can also immerse oneself in the environment and learn about Mother Nature's wonders. Instead of grumbling about the dirty river water, one can always look deeper, beyond the surface of the water (which REALLY is BROWN) and discover the multitude and diversity of aquatic organisms such as the fishes. That person will then revel in that moment of serenity of splendid isolation. This is the same location that we're talking about. This is the same situation. But just with that bit of a tweak in one's mindset, one can change one's lens and view the world in a different light. He/she wouldn't waste his/her time during JCC as long as he/she knows that there is something to learn every moment, everywhere.

Only the myopic wouldn't see these lessons. Perhaps it's time for them to change their lens too.

the highlight

2008-08-02T10:19:00.002+08:00

it is so close. the trip to brunei which, as many have said before, will be the highlight of my ocs journey in infantry. 21 days in a foreign country, unfamiliar jungle with crazy terrain and away from the home that safti has forcefully become (where i spend about 6/7 of my weeks). there's much to be worried about but since this is probably the best learning experience of this course its best to go for it with a positive attitude. going with a detached unfeeling mentality isnt right either, i should be enthu about it! (all the way, even when the ultra shagness hits)

havent really sat down to think about lessons learnt so far. we're made to do reflections but that's more like homework. the questions guide our thought processes and force us to think about things, but i dun feel motivated to actually think very deeply about the answers to reflection questions and to put them down on paper for others to read. its best if we do this kinda stuff ourselves. what i have is the feeling that i have a lot of experiences to draw lessons from, but its like holding onto raw material without processing it and distilling the principles which are supposed to help me next time.

anyway time to go buy stuff for the trip, gotta pack bags soon. busy busy days. should pen down thoughts because i need to use my brain to put thoughts into words and sentences more often lol. hope james yirui and keefe have gotten their brains up and running so that they can handle school. meanwhile, my brain shall stay operationally ready..

the start of school

2008-07-28T20:19:00.002+08:00

so it's about 1 week away from orientation week. and 2 weeks before the official start of school. i have spent the entire week basically doing what i mentioned i was doing in the previous blog entry. reading books. watching anime. slacking.

i have also been working on reflections. on my whole NS experience. i have been through a lot, and i guess possibly, the worst physical conditions that i will experience will come from those 6 months. i have the fullest confidence in the NUS medical faculty for dishing out mental torture to me, so i can't credit the army for giving me the worst i will ever experience, mentally.

however, after going through all those crap, i hope to take away something. all the time, while i was inside, i kept thinking to myself thoughts that went along the lines of.. "i can't believe im doing this.", "i can't believe i actually managed to do that.", or "i can't believe we just did that."

and those thoughts would be followed by, "i'm so going to write all of this down when i get back into camp.", but my thoughts were never followed up by action due to the lack of freedom and time. i was barely getting enough rest to survive, don't even talk about penning a journal.

so that's why i decided to start writing down reflections for my NS experience. so that i can consolidate all the lessons i have learnt throughout the 6 months, before all the memories fade into the background of my everyday life. It's not easy though. most of the time, i'm too tired to truly get a hold of what is happening. all i feel is a sense of... jubilation that i have managed to do something incredible. all my memories are pretty foggy and unclear. it's one thing to feeling that you learnt a lot, but another to remember all the lessons and define them.

(: so im taking the last week of my holidays to slowly pen them down. i hope that it'll do some good for myself when i encounter challenges while studying medicine.

irony

2008-07-21T10:35:00.002+08:00

life is full of ironies.

it's very ironic how you are able to accomplish so much when you have so little time and how little you can accomplish when you have so much time.

although i wouldn't be saying that i didn't do anything over the past few days, but it seems that due to the lack of pressure, i refuse to focus on tasks that i have sought out to do. perhaps this is the next level of discipline: having to will to do with urgency what needs to be done, without having any real pressure being applied by any external source other than my expectations and myself.

instead of being focused and doing things i need to do quickly, such as the reading of Tony Buzan's memory books in order to prep myself for the intellectual rigors of medical school, i end up procrastinating and doing other things that i please: playing my PSP games (i have 3 fantastic new games, including the addictive crisis core), chatting online (a luxury that i have granted myself. i have chatted on MSN more over the last 2 weeks than over the past 6 months, mainly catching up with old friends, keeping in touch with army buddies, etc), taking naps (another luxury. i fortify myself with plenty of sleep nowadays, after getting accustomed to 3-4 hrs of sleep everyday during OCS), and last but not least, indulging in novels.

I have read 3 fantastic novels so far. The first of these is the Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis, a book focusing on Christians and their practice of religion, and the hypocrisies surrounded everyday Christian life. It's not so much an outsider blasting Christianity, C.S Lewis is a staunch Christian. He simply uses irony, sarcasm, to blast away at the dark and danky corners of Christian life which most Christians ignore. Common themes such as how certain Christians can get close to their faith, but get "drawn back into the physical world", with a "good dose of reality". The books is written as such, a senior Devil teaching his nephew, a junior fiend, how to corrupt his human target. for example, "you are not supposed to allow your patient to develop the fatal habit of attending to universal issues and withdrawing his attention to the stream of immediate sense experiences. Your business is to fix his attention on the stream. Teach him to call it "real life" and don't let him ask what he means by "real". "

so on and so forth. you really have to read the book to get a proper feel of it. The next two books are the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, which deals with Afghanistan, war, slave-owner relations, family, culture and tradition, religion, and most importantly (In my opinion), friendship and personal morality (and accountability). v.long and complex story, very emotional, very touching. anyone with extra time, should read this book. it'll definitely make you cry, i promise.

the most recent book that i have read is the Prince, by Nicollo Machiavelli. Fantastic book, focusing on politics and governance. Machiavelli wrote the book to the ruling Medici family, in hopes that they would find utility in his book and employ him, a discarded statesmen who was languishing in poverty after the government he was serving was overthrown. So it advises upon what should a prince do, in order to best preserve his power and his land. It covers all areas, such as why a prince should focus on military affairs, even during peace time, how should princes deal with the people, how princes should deal with his state if it were segregated into factions, etc etc etc. it is written in a very factual and cold fashion. However, readers must not be mistaken into thinking Machiavelli is a cold-blooded creature with no other loyalties other than to that of power; in fact he is patriotic towards Italy: all he wishes to achieve is to help Italy return to its former glory after its rulers failed to maintain her power. The best aspect of the book is the fact that Machiavelli calmly ignores any appeals to morality or any code of conduct. He asserts that Princes should act this way in order to retain power, and that retention of power is the end that justifies all means. A very powerful book, written 500 years ago, and still as relevant to power relations between countries, between politicians, between people, today as it was then.

indulging in novels was a luxury i was deprived of due to my NS commitment. i pray that medical school will not take that away from me.

civilian life

2008-07-12T23:54:00.002+08:00

after being in the army for 6 months or so, it takes a bit of time to get used to civilian life. it's too good. =D for all those NSFs reading this, remember: my ORD date is somewhere in 2015, so i shud be the one cringing.

with the free time that i have, i've been doing plenty of things. i've been reading Tony Buzan's memory books, trying to learn how to improve my memory (in order to prep for my medicine 5 year mugging marathon). i've been reading leisure books also, just to get back into touch with my humanity and the culture surrounding it. other than that, i've just been attending NUS softball trainings. i played soccer with the j4 softballers today, hong shen ivan and the rest. it's very interesting to talk to them about army, and how our perspectives have changed after going through it. it's enlightening to discuss such things: most people have different army experiences, so it's always good to see the other side of the coin. i talked to them about uni and stuff too. i'm extremely extremely blessed to be offered a place in NUS medicine (i'm probably the 250th student to be offered it). my next best alternative, the opportunity cost of me studying medicine, is always fantastic: Uchicago economics. even my 3rd choice, a SMU double degree in biz and econs, is great by most people's standards.

as a person who has been through RI/RJ/OCS delta wing, i haven't been exposed to many failures in my life. i haven't really been denied anything substantial: my future has always been bright for me. not many doors have been slammed in my face before. i think it's a privilege to be in such a position: most people don't even get close to any of the doors i have been deciding between. i hope i don't waste the opportunities presented to me. also, i hope that when failure does come and find me (it will, one day), i will be able to handle it.

i've a NUS match tmr, along with dinner with relatives. pretty packed week! (after brunei somemore) have a good weekend everyone!

brunei + medicine + disruption

2008-07-10T01:37:00.004+08:00

a lot of things have happened over the past 10 days.

i went to brunei, attended SOGJOT (jungle training). on the second day i received news via SMS that i had gotten a place in NUS medicine.

needless to say, it came as a surprise. the next problem was the fact that i was not in a very conducive environment for me to make my life-changing decision. i was in brunei, learning how to navigate in horrendous terrain, in horrendous weather conditions. the pure exhaustion that i was about to face would probably nullify any sense i had in my cranium left since starting NS.

lucky or unlucky, it's up to you to decide, but it so happened that on the third day, i had diarrhea over the night. it probably arose because some cadet didn't wash his plate properly while eating at the cookhouse. although i felt fit to go, and i wanted to, the warrant officers did not allow me to go. they made me go to the MO, and it was one long slippery slope from there. instead of continuing with training, i was given 2 days attend B, which resulted in me being excluded from the rest of SOGJOT. It's because of the training directive which is strictly adhered to in Brunei, the implementation of Day 1-4 after coming out of Attend B status, which didn't allow me to participate in anything at all.

So i was given a lot of time to sit in camp while the rest of the cadets went into the jungle and trained. and i thought about doing medicine, about studying economics in SMU/Uchicago. and i came to a decision after mulling over it for a day or two. I wanted to do medicine. doing economics and working in the finance sector had many perks over being a doctor: having more time for your family and yourself, having more money, being less stressed, being more flexible in career choices; however, all these perks were self-fulfilling, if not purely selfish ones. Being a doctor would grant me a tough career that would be meaningful, not self-serving.

So i've been thrown from the boredom of Brunei with all of its unbearable heat into signing papers to disrupt my National Service, to admit into NUS medicine, to applying for a hostel. It has been quite a change. However, i must say, being a civilian feels good. Although i didn't feel a sudden burst of elation when i signed the disruption form, i did feel a tinge of sadness about leaving my best buddies, Guang Liang, Zhang Rui, Gerald Tay, Jason behind in Engineers OCC.

well. any experience, no matter how painful, how torturous, will fill me with nostalgia when i move on to other things in life. Perhaps i miss the people that make up most of the experience. or perhaps i only remember the good parts. No matter what, i must say. i will really treasure the times i spent with Delta Wing Platoon 3, and for a brief 10 days, Engineers OCC. going through tough times really reveals a person's true character and i feel happy to have known my army buddies who have been the best of men, men who would pick up the team's overflowing burdens and place it upon his own shoulders.

memories.

extreme sadness

2008-06-29T18:56:00.000+08:00

this is by far the most painful book in ever

brunei

2008-06-28T22:44:00.002+08:00

flying off to brunei tonight. i kinda left blogging to the last thing to do on my list, i met up with everyone, my classmates, my platoon mates, lydia over the last two days and it was really great fun. good to catch up with old friends, to get closer to the people who are already close to you, to say good bye to leaving ones.

i'll be back next wed, so it won't be that long. i don't feel particularly scared; in fact im not thining about the trip itself. im only concerned about my absence for 10 days. busy catching up with people, making sure everything is alright, etc. =D

i will really miss people over 10 days, even though its just a short stretch of time. in the 10 days, i'll lose touch with current affairs, i won't know who won euro 2008, etc, but it's alright. i'll just have to read up when i get back.

so good bye civilisation! i'll see you in 10 days time.

posting

2008-06-21T10:41:00.002+08:00

i just got my posting, and i got into combat engineers for the professional term of my OCS journey.

i dunno what to say about it, i'm probably lying if i said i expected it, and i would be lying even more if i said i wanted it.

however, things come as they come, and so be it. i guess this year has been a rather formative year for me, enlisting in the army, getting rejected by scholarship and university admission boards, not getting the vocation of my choice.

oh well. i have been rather sour over the whole matter, but the best thing i can do now is to approach it with a positive attitude. the easiest way to become depressed is to start thinking negatively. With a positive attitude, i can overcome anything. (irony lol) Advance and overcome!

God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind. So when you don't understand, when you can't see his plan, when you can't trace his hand; trust his heart.

end of service

2008-06-15T19:31:00.002+08:00

it nears the end of service term (the 1st third of the 9 month long OCS journey) and we're about to get our posting soon. so everyone is feeling pretty anticipatory now. Moreover, we were ushers for the commissioning parade, so it was an opportunity for us to take a step back and see where we were in the whole timeline of becoming an officer.

time seems to pass very fast when you are very busy, and the time we have spent in OCS has simply been a blink of an eye. hopefully the next 6 months will pass by quickly too, then we will be the ones on the parade square, the ones in that euphoric mood we all witnessed yesterday. =D

i haven't had any time to read the papers at all for the past 2 weeks, so i'm feeling extremely disconnected with the world. i must make effort to catch up! that's why i probably have nothing else to talk about other than army stuff.

which is a pretty sad thing,i must say.

shovel and changkul ftw

2008-06-15T12:56:00.003+08:00

commissioning parade was great to watch, even tho as an usher i had to stay in senangdiri (how to spell? oo) position for v long. endure! watched how the parade went, how sweaty the guys on the parade square got and finally how happy and crazy they were after it was all over.

it was fun to wear no.1 and stand in front facing the crowd. i think we mightve thought that we were quite important to wear no.1 and that we were quite visible to the crowd, being right in front of them. but later during the parade i realised that we were unnoticed. i could watch as everyone's eyes were drawn to the guys on the parade square; it was really their day. later on we had to like usher the parents and friends of the officers back to their seats it felt real weird to do it.. was quite unwilling to chase ppl back when theyre so happily taking photos. ended up helping them take pics just like alot of the other ushers haha. super cool to be there and to watch the parade.

coming to the nxt phase soon. the past week has been quite mentally demanding esp with the lack of sleep. thought i wasnt really that gg-fied when it came to the later part of the night. red bull helped alot during the crucial slpy period haha. interesting to watch others become super sleepy and to ko. and it was also a chance to discover my own breaking point and find out how i behave during super sleepy moments. also saw other s being put thru a lot of stress. quite exciting

need a good long rest hm

"This is.. hollowfication."

->bleach manga readers can prob identify with this pic+caption lol

blogging spirit

2008-05-31T01:39:00.002+08:00

it's very good that the blog seems to be reviving slightly! hopefully we can get a normal readership of NSmen who book out and read our blogs about the same time as we publish our posts. :P that's quite sad.. oh well.

i want to agree with what posef said.. learning takes effort. i guess for both OCT and OOC life, it is very easy to simply zone out due to boredom (OOC) or shagness (OCT). it's tempting to leave our heads blank and not think about anything at all for the whole day, simply to get by the day. particularly when the training is tough and life sucks, you just want the 24 hours to go by without incident. well, it's not easy to lift that head up and continue to push (self-tekan indeed!) and not give in to your body's urges, but i guess its necessary. You can learn a lot if you make an effort to, you can learn nothing if you don't.

so another week has passed, and something i learnt this week would be the.. importance of relativity in everyday life. Everything.. is relative. In particular, what you feel doesn't really depend on the nominal amt of punishment or welfare that you get. it depends on the difference between the given amt of punishment/welfare and the usual amt. If you normally have this insane low amt of welfare, even treating the person like dirt (but not like shit) will make him feel good. you see where i'm going with this?

I find this principle to be a very importance deciding factor in determining the morale of ppl. Morale fluctuates from the mode morale level because of the minor "bull"-runs of welfare that ppl get, or "bear"-runs of punishments. However, it doesn't really shed light on how the mode morale level is determined. Despite that limitation, it will help me understand human dynamics which i can apply when doing man-management in the future. If next week's an important week that necessitates hight morale and maximum effort, then suddenly giving out welfare bonuses will help lift the spirits of the team.

Another thing to take away from that principle is that, people can adapt and that includes you. getting used to little sleep, little rest, rushing all the time took us time, but we kinda got used to it. any change in pace will make us feel better/worse, and if sustained over a period of time, will change our "expectations" of the pace of our cadet life. It all depends on how fast we get used to new conditions, and how long the temporary high morale can last.

that's what i learnt in the past week.

i hope you don't mind a guest blog :) (guest blog)

2008-05-28T20:14:00.005+08:00

i feel like im breaking and entering. but this blog has too much of OCT perspectives and it needs some balance from this OOC :).

its hard to imagine how someone who shreds dockets from 8 to 5 everyday can find anything in his daily life that is in common with that of an OCT. But i'll say that these two years for everyone, from the 10 to 4 clerk to the 6 and 3/4 day-week OCT, should be a time of reflection.

for those at the top they're continually pushed further. to be bigger and better and manner and whatever-er. they find their limits, they gain experiences they'll be proud of, they grow into men --- you've heard it all before.

for me (ya im at the bottom i suppose). ive been doing a recruit's work for him for the past two weeks. i am not challenged at all. shredding paper numbs my brain; by 2 in the afternoon i feel really retarded. i have no once-in-a-lifetime experiences to speak of after bmt.

but ive talked to people i probably would never have met. ive heard new perspectives. ive seen so many different units, commanders, men , cqs, clerks, storemen, drivers as i bounce around on a great SAF tour post-OOC.

and as i reflect on what ive seen and heard, i learn and grow.

thats what the two years is about, for anyone at all. the absence of reflection, regardless of your position, would mean the 2 yrs were probably an entire waste of time. either your mind degenerates as it idles, or it gets consumed by the belief systems in the army, which wouldnt be much use if you're not signing on. and its awesome that yamies and yip are still blogging and thinking about things because its easier to say "oh just suck it up, dont think about it so much, just do it" because its really depressing to keep thinking about things.

its the mentally strong who face their depressing state, think it through, and grow out of it, not those who can just block it out.

i hate it when people say "don't think so much".

you know sometimes it feels like we put our futures on hold for two years, but thats only if we put our minds on hold for two years. our futures will probably be very different if we really think about now, and not ORDing.

i really hope youre right when you say no one reads haha . i feel so cheesy X). but tts wad i really think

blogging

2008-05-21T19:35:00.002+08:00

to me, blogging has always been something i wanted to do. it always feels very meaning to "pen" my thoughts down. even though nobody reads it, i feel like i'm saying what i have to say, and that's what matters.

ever since I've enlisted, its been tough blogging because i am rarely in contact with anything else other issues other than army-related ones, which i cannot blog about. the that's the cold hard, saddening truth. my life has been consumed, subsumed. i'm not complaining, everyone has to go through it and i think it has been a positive experience for me so far. even though i feel negative about it 90% of the time, in the long run when i walk out of NS as a 21 year old, i am sure that i'll look back at the pre-enlistment 19 year old self and think: i have really grown up.

as a Chinese saying goes, in the mud, plants with flower of pure white colouration bloom. ironically, it reflects what is really happening. through all the tough training, i will gain attributes that i will never have if i didn't put myself through suffering. character, not the skills nor the fitness or any other thing, will be the valuable things i take out of the 2 years.

i hope to chisel myself into the person i wish to be in those 2 years.

quote of the day:

All that is necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.

ooo

2008-05-19T17:33:00.003+08:00

currently feel like a not-very-motivated soldier. but its not a bad thing. just feel stagnant, like i hentak kaki for awhile already. things move on around me but i am stuck in my current position. because of this and other things, there are various reasons to be emo. but its not good to emo. end result? a state of sianness. i keep in mind the often used phrase 'eh dont emo leh' hahhaha

making the best of our food--> how about adding biscuits to hot milo/tea/coffee together. then bananas oo. picking up whittling wood as a new hobby lol. the small things that keep me going. its actually very fun. it starts off with finding a good nice piece of wood. then deciding what to make. that part takes abit of inspiration/creativity. the process of whittling itself takes your mind off whatever youre doing (usually its waiting) and after youre done you can feel real proud of yourself for what youve managed to carve out.

dint get foot rot which is good! poey has gotten foot rot from slacking in bunk. how is that possible -.- wtf. he doesnt even wear boots.

foot rot boy says:
knn
foot rot boy says:
haha
foot rot boy says:
i got foot rot from slack in bunk

damn good feeling to be out after so long! hm bought a rat trap for $1 today cos i thot it was interesting.. its those classic kind of rat traps lol in like tom and jerry cartoons

field camp

2008-04-27T08:36:00.003+08:00

going for a 12 day field camp on sunday. it'll be 12 days of fighting off foot rot and what not. i guess it'll be tough, me being confident that the instructors will push us to the limit with various exercises to test our soldiering skills. (patrol, ambush, navigation, etc).

every book out is a rush, even if its a 48 hour one. we came out of camp on wednesday night, and i'm booking in on friday night now.

even then, i don't have even time (or energy) to blog about what has been happening, how im feeling, what is going to happen.

which is good and bad. good, meaning that time is flying past for me and before i know it, service term will be over; another blink of the eye, i'll be out of OCS.

so here's a short little (and pretty sad) reflection of what i have been going through:

STB interview roughly 3 weeks ago
medicine interview last monday
field camp next week

and the highlight of may will be the spectacular 4 day break after field camp! =D WOO. i hope i can catch the champions league finals =D

going to book in now. bye guys. for all the girls having fun choosing universities, applying for scholarships, going for internships, job attachments, earning money, having holidays..

well. i wish i could be in your shoes. but i am learning many many things here too, things like mental toughness and developing a stoic attitude towards hardship. well, all the NS guys just have to catch up in 2 years time. =D see all of u in 2+ weeks.

OCS delta wing

2008-04-20T03:39:00.003+08:00

i am from OCS delta wing.

unfortunately, i cannot possibly blog about what OCS is like. the experiences, the thoughts, the emotions over the past 4 weeks are simply too much for me to write down or record on this blog. the 4 weeks have been absolutely hectic, without much rest for us cadets. you tend to feel rather lousy, because you are extremely stressed and you don't get enough sleep. this double whammy really weighs on upon you. and this is just the start of OCS.

i have only experienced 4 weeks out of 38, which is still kinda demoralizing. however the prospect of booking out every 7 days makes it a lot better.

due to the short bookout timings (5.5 day work week for OCS), the confinement punishments being dealt out like poker hands, and the prospect of being confined by field camp (12 days), every second during the book out period is precious. imagine, try to organize ALL your recent scholarship + uni admission interviews, applications and other administrative business within a 24 hour book out. add that to trying to catch up with your family, your girlfriend. and add that to trying to feel relaxed for the first time in a looong while. plus shopping at beach road for army equipment. plus shopping for food to bring into camp. plus sleep.

however, despite all that, we move on. upon reflection, adult life (post-uni), with all its responsibilities and other burdens, is a bundle of stress. maybe OCS is simply giving us a taste of how responsibility and accountability feels like.

despite all that, i still feel good about my life. perhaps u only realise what you have when you lose it, and only after entering OCS did i realised that i have so much.

anticipation

2008-03-23T01:23:00.004+08:00

i spent noon having lunch at lincoln's house with mr ng choon ping and wan ting, which was brilliant. i would say that mr ng was the adult that influenced me the most during my JC years, along with other mentors like mr loo, mr kok and ms lee xiu li. He, like all of them, talked to me like i was a friend, which really opened me up to their advice on life's decisions. It's great to be so close to your teachers because they really are in a vocation where guidance and support are just about as important as academic tutoring, so they are the persons up to the task to counsel you.

had a nice time catching up with wan ting, lincoln and choon ping. discussed a bit about uni/scholarship applications and had a great lunch. lincoln's a great chef, he did up a whole rack of pork's ribs and a bunch of chicken with ham and cheese inside. totally brilliant stuff.

after lunch, i went out with lydia and we had a great time shopping and watching a play by the RGS girls brigade.

i guess when people are put under stressful circumstances, they have to learn to deal with it. as i prepare myself to go into OCS, i have learnt to seek an inner peace through the acceptance of my role. I have a role to play in serving the nation, i must not avoid it. there has been a change in my perception of things, ever since the prayer session i had on Thursday. when faced with problems, most christians/catholics will turn inwards, to find the solution within themselves. It is ironic that this is so, because we are taught to turn outward and seek for help from god. as i approach OCS, my problems only seem to grow bigger and bigger, until they seem unsurmountable. however, through praying and much mediation, i have found solace.

perhaps that'll be the way i find harmony in my life. through god.

praying

2008-03-21T02:27:00.002+08:00

i just returned home after holy thursday mass at the church of the holy spirit and a prayer session at pamela's house. it was really enjoyable, to go out with my group of RJ catholics for mass together. the mass ended at 830, then we headed to pamela's house all squeezed into jarrod's car.

pamela's parents own the cocoa trees business, so they are terribly loaded. HUGE house, with extremely spacious rooms and high ceilings. we were all raving about the luxury. the food there, was extremely good too. we had crab and fish head curry for dinner! shaun liu and i went absolutely crazy after gorging ourselves on the food. so the night was full of fun and laughter, with many jokes to the tune of which guy was going to marry pamela for her money.

after a while, we moved upstairs for the prayer session which lasted all the way past midnight. it was 130am when we left her place, and by then we were all feeling very peaceful and happy. despite the expensive cab fare home (adrian and i shared a cab, i chipped in $12), we all enjoyed the opportunity to be together for a night where we learnt more about ourselves and each other, and about our faith.

i guess this prayer session was just what i needed. i need to feel good about myself and my faith, and i need to carry that feeling into the next phase of my life. i will feel so much better knowing that i have meaning in life, meaning that transcends whatever is happening to me at the moment and stretches throughout the entire length of my life. that way, i can pull through any tough times that i know are transient.

that'll really bring me peace.

tranquility

2008-03-20T10:08:00.004+08:00

after going out every single morning, afternoon and night for the past 7 days, i finally decided that i should stay at home for a while to enjoy time with my family. so on wednesday, i didn't go out at all. hanging around at home is a particularly peaceful thing. there is a certain kind of quiet in my house that settles in, so there is no stress or tension even if you're busy doing university/scholarship applications.

so i spent the whole day, morning afternoon and night, chatting away online, watching TV with my mom, doing applications, reading the newspapers, going out for a jog, hiking out to buy bread for my mom. it was very empowering to feel good without going out and meeting my friends. every book out has been a rush to meet as many people as i could, to meet lydia, to catch up with old classmates, old friends, girls whom i haven't seen in a long time, all to have a hearty laugh and feel like i have my old life back again.

however, staying at home doesn't give you that "i'm out and enjoying myself feeling.". it gives you a rather perculiar, warm and comforting vibe that is similar to the feeling that toast with a warm cup of tea gives you in the morning.

although i'm still going to go out with my friends today to attend mass and have dinner with them, i kinda feel sad that i won't have the luxury of time to spend a few more days at home. despite the army creating an intense longing for leisure, for pleasure, within us, i know that there is a certain quiet bustle in my home that i can immerse myself in.

pop loh

2008-03-17T23:18:00.003+08:00

we have graduated from BMTC, the military school where most recruits are herded towards and passed out from. it's a bit sad to leave when we were just settling in. we were just becoming a really nice family with our platoon and section mates, getting used to the rhythm of the trainings over the week. it's the friends that get you through the horrid times, i figure. nothing else is positive there. just make friends and allow the bonds to carry you through.

as i go onto the next of phase of my NS, i want to make sure that i go into it focusing on my motivations in life. my family, my friends, my girlfriend (: , god. i don't want to lose focus of those things, in fact, as the first phase of army has done, i will probably treasure them a lot more.

it's a long 2 years that feels like an eternity while serving it. it will feel short after its over.

reading

2008-03-02T01:37:00.002+08:00

finished reading the heart of darkness during live range and admin time. all i have to say is that the imagery is absolutely fantastic and joseph conrad really paints the story like a painting, one stroke at a time.

in the midst of all the chaos in camp, with minimal complications in language, suddenly encountering literary language is very intimidating. it also makes it all the more beautiful. you really immerse yourself in a different world, a different time.

i gotta buy more of those penguin classics. they are really cheap, $5, and they are made from recycled paper. they are plain, green coloured paperbakcs with no illustrations, and are perfect for the army pocket. i feel very happy being able to carry a book around with me wherever i go, without caring much for the condition of the book. it's really a brilliant time for penguin classics to come out with such books now...

so NSmen! if u're interested in literature, you can pick up good reads for a low price with penguin classics. =D

power of the car

2008-02-23T15:01:00.004+08:00

just came back from SIT (situation) test, which was a 3 day outfield exercise to gauge the leadership qualities of recruits. it was quite fun to say the least! physically exhaustive but not demoralising. the last 2 weeks have beeb similarly fair-weathered. Not much angst, due to the elevated welfare levels that cougar company has been experiencing. more admin time, more OT OT (own time, own target) training at night, so the sense of freedom has definitely been elevated. more freedom means happier recruits.

however, the decline in the level of angst doesn't mean that we don't get homesick and miss home. as army boys would put it in a very non-professional way, "still got a lot of feeling". emotions still run high in camp. however, morale has never been higher, i guess.

anyway, i really need to learn how to drive. the power of the car has been demonstrated to me first hand. we had to go to singapore discovery centre for a national education lesson today. shaun (my section mate), who drives, gave me a lift back to tampines. the full glory of the car was fully exemplified as the enjoyable ride really allowed me to see for myself the saved time and effort when a person gets sent to his destination via a car, rather than public transport. ah! from an unhospitable corner of boon lay to tampines, in 30 minutes! my god.. it would have taken me 3 times the time and 10 times the effort to get back home if i took public transport.

sadly, i don't have a car to drive even if i learn how to. my dad and my sister already "fight" over the car enough, there's really no more car-time left for me. damn! now i know why working guys with MONEY have such an advantage over male students and NSmen. thoroughly superficial qualities such as the level of comfort a guy can offer a girl, will still be taken into account when a girl decides to accept a guy.

ah.. on this issue, i got a lot of feeling!

Numb by U2

2008-02-09T19:10:00.001+08:00

Don't move
Don't talk out of time
Don't think
Don't worry
Everything's just fine
Just fine

Don't grab
Don't clutch
Don't hope for too much
Don't breathe
Don't achieve
Or grieve without leave

Don't check
Just balance on the fence
Don't answer
Don't ask
Don't try and make sense

Don't whisper
Don't talk
Don't run if you can walk
Don't cheat, compete
Don't miss the one beat

Don't travel by train
Don't eat
Don't spill
Don't piss in the drain
Don't make a will

Don't fill out any forms
Don't compensate
Don't cower
Don't crawl
Don't come around late
Don't hover at the gate

Don't take it on board
Don't fall on your sword
Just play another chord
If you feel you're getting bored
I feel numb
I feel numb
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
Don't change your brand Gimme what you got
Don't listen to the band
Don't gape Gimme what I don't get
Don't ape
Don't change your shape Gimme some more
Have another grape
Too much is not enough
I feel numb
I feel numb
Gimme some more
A piece of me, baby
I feel numb

This isn't the complete lyrics, the verses change every single time, all along the same thread.

well. you really should listen to the song. it's sung in a deadpan voice with an metallic effect, with a metallic sort-of scratching background. it's not loud though, just very, very absorbing. and the words resonate out well, at the same time containing the unfeeling, uncaring touch.

i guess all of you should know where i have experienced such demoralising, such unbearable, feelings. for those people who are inside with me, i guess you would understand why as well.

disgusting!

2008-02-09T10:04:00.000+08:00

on thursday morning i woke up feeling rather crappy (probably due to little sleep), took some bar kwa for breakfast (wow!) and ate my anti-biotics. that was when all the trouble began.

so i headed to church for chinese new year mass with my family. my stomach started to hurt really badly. got to church, sat there for a while before puking many many times. puked my entire breakfast out, along with all the acrid fluids down there. that kinda sums up my entire day. i went back home, laid in bed for the entire day, getting up occasionally to 1) puke 2) pee. so my 1st day of chinese new year was spent bedridden. ARGH! THE ANGST! went to doctors at night, which confirmed that i had gastric. and that the anti-biotics that i am taking now are pretty strong. it made me feel damn super weak to the max (really), to the extent that i was asking my dad questions like, could you help me unscrew the cap to my water bottle? could you help me take the bread out of the plastic wrapping? DISGUSTINGLY weak! to think that i had survived field camp, then run 2.4km under 9.45 min to finally book out and collapse into illness at home. ARGH!

the next day was better. i managed to visit my relatives home for some steamboat (puked all of it out, unfortunately). seeing your relatives around really makes you feel a lot better!

anyway, happy chinese new year to the whole lot of you! despite my foul luck, i'm still going to have loads of fun during my bookout period. my relatives are visiting my home today, so no problems today! =D for those who haven't gone to field camp, enjoy yourself! it's going to be a memorable experience. you will probably do stuff that you cannot imagine yourself doing, survive stuff that you wouldn't think they would allow you to undergo. it's yet another piece of the jig-saw of the NS experience. have fun, buddies!

ziplock

2008-02-07T02:10:00.000+08:00

the general advice that i have been given while doing national service is to compartmentalize my life. army life one corner, civilian life another corner. so far, after 2 straight confinement weeks (meaning i stayed in camp for an entire month with only a 2 day break in between), i haven't had much of a civilian life! its chinese new year (4 day break) now, so i hope to do some catching up in terms of the news and all that. i have missed many things, including the post-bhutto assassination coverage, the US presidential election updates, taxi fare hikes, US economic recession + oil price spiking + stock market crashes.. ah the list goes on and on. hopefully as my schedule gets more regular i can keep on top of news.

well keeping my army and civilian life separate is going to be a challenge. if u spend 80% of your time doing activity A, u are bound to be filled with conversational topics filled with activity A! however, such topics are too foreign for any non-NS people to fully comprehend. it gets really boring after a while for the other person if you continue on about your route marches, field camps and live firing exercises.

this only exacerbates the problem of keeping in contact with old friends (in particular the girls). keeping in contact with NSF isn't much of a problem, they are really eager for social contact. however, if u want to keep in touch with girls, and the only thing u can talk about is how crappy life is in tekong, then u have a problem. the disconnection with the outside world that NS men face is huge and seemingly unsurmountable. we have to rely on magazines and newspaper to keep up with things, lest the outside world chugs on, leaving us in its wake. it acts as a social divider to the extent that many NS men end up congregating together, even after spending the whole week together. many platoon mates meet up to play lan together over the weekends, etc etc, everyone just waiting for their 2 years to be up and to get back to their lives.

oh well. other than that, the main pain of serving would be the lack of freedom. you can't choose. when i book out, the first thing i want to do is to walk into a shop. any shop. i want to choose items that i need, items that i demand. not items handed out to me. its not that the food in tekong is bad, it's actually very decent, but the positive externality of product variety and consumer choice is diminished. ah! the joy of choosing where to go, what to eat, when to wake up, how to look and why i live. that joy is a joy that i will never cease treasuring.

well. i do, grudgingly, accept my fate.it really helps to have great friends going through the same experience as you. i'm very proud to say that my new friends in camp really make life a lot better. =D ah!

anyway, happy chinese new year everyone! even though i'm down with a bad tekong cough, i'm still gonna whack the new year goodies! hurray! =D i am very grateful for the opportunity to get together with my cousins. yup.

have a great weekend ahead guys! treasure it!

emo

2008-01-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

it's the last night before i go into army! as i pack all my thirsty hippos, toilet rolls and snake powder into my bag, i really feel quite emotional about leaving the civilian population. the last few weeks and days have been spent taking photos frantically. i am quite happy that i have plenty of photos to bring to tekong to remind me of what i am doing all this for. i think it'll be very important to remind ourselves of the things beyond tekong shores!

i'm extremely keen upon the american elections (go obama) because i feel that if america, guided by a new leader, leads the world in a new direction upon old issues such as climate change and poverty reduction, the world will be a much better place. especially when China, India and Russia are still in the midst of developing, if america uses its political clout to convince the world about the stance everyone must take upon such issues, there is still hope for collective global effort. i fear that if a continually aggressive US would force other countries into being aggressive and self-centered themselves. the circumstances are just right to provide the superpowers mentioned the impetus to provide change, such as the
natural disasters occurring around the world (Katrina, California fires, Australian droughts + storms, Beijing pollution, the list is endless), increasing expectations for revolutionary political leadership due to an emerging middle class, and (i hope) a lull in terrorist attacks. with all these conditions, nations could possibly push through protocols to follow for sustainable development and fair trade (really fair ones).

back to being emo. the exciting thing about NS that no one thinks about is the new friends that you'll make. i'm very sure that it'll be just like an orientation camp in a new school where you meet new people and become great buddies with them. that should rock! i really hope to become great buddies with my friend daniel ong who's probably going to be in the same platoon as me. rock on!!

as a student, you really don't realise that you spend a lot of time carefreely. walking into the canteen to get a teh bing, going to the library to mug/watch a DVD, going to the comp labs to check your email or play CS. all these things we have taken for granted. calling your friends, smsing each other, seeing each other was taken for granted too. when guys go into tekong, we all won't be able to enjoy such luxuries anymore. however, photos and cards will go a long way in allowing the days to pass by faster and keep our friends in mind. im glad i have plenty of photos of softballers, classmates and lydia to keep me company! i'll really miss all the softballers who have kept me company with jokes throughout the 6 years we have been together, my classmates who have been my best pals through the last 2 years, and last but definitely not least, lydia. i'll miss my family too! the 16 days that i'll be gone will be the longest stretch of time that i have ever been separated from my family, and it's going to be really strange. i hope i don't get homesick! well. absence makes the heart fonder.

so there. im headed off to tekong with my bag full of spares. good luck with your work attachments everyone! have fun! i'll be back on the 26th!

NS

2008-01-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

i'm going in 1 day after daniel. although it's very easy to fall into the depressing mood and really start getting cynical, i really think we should all approach NS with a positive mindset! stop yourself when you start sighing and just think about the 6 packs that you will get to develop over the course of 2 years! =D maybe, just maybe, you might be able to get a hot bod in exchange for your freedom.

i think NS is a common experience that all singaporean males undergo, a baptism of fire where everyone as a whole, lose their girlfriends and any social life they had before NS, learn how to wash their own clothes and survive dirty toilets, become less picky about things and endure a little hardship, and last but not least, become a man. i guess everyone will really learn how to listen and not speak, which is a useful skill that many of us haven't learned yet. if we do it correctly, it will probably train us to listen, comprehend and judge for ourselves, while giving us the patience to decide upon an appropriate response (in the army, an appropriate response is no response). it'll probably give us a taste of powerlessness too. it'll be good for our egos to be reined in. most importantly, it probably defines how a male singaporean would behave amongst other males. most people's "guyish" behavior such as habitually going to a pub and getting drunk, smoking, clubbing, gambling, probably originates with NS friends. guess it'll be a real test to see if you are strong enough to decide what you want to do.

anyway, if we hit NS with a positive attitude, it'll be fun. i guess it's just what you make out of it. so for all the guys enlisting from the 9th to the 11th, here's a really big GOOD LUCK and a reminder to stay happy. (and bring extra handphone batteries).

entertainment while putting stuff together to bring tmrw

2008-01-08T22:33:00.001+08:00

part of one conversation that happened on the night before i go into army:

kern says:
hi yip
kern says:
what's up with putting your full name
kern says:
as your nick
kern says:
lol
daniel yip 18D/17N Pulau Tekong. Free lodging and meals! says:
wtf
daniel yip 18D/17N Pulau Tekong. Free lodging and meals! says:
lol
daniel yip 18D/17N Pulau Tekong. Free lodging and meals! says:
that was the most boliao start to a conversation i have ever heard
kern says:
HAHAH
kern says:
a lot of people in my list have leh
daniel yip 18D/17N Pulau Tekong. Free lodging and meals! says:
maybe cos i have no identity except daniel yip right now lol
kern says:
lol
kern says:
hahah okay

main point was how kern started the convo wtf seriously. ok joke over

good days

2008-01-07T22:45:00.001+08:00

the past few days have been quite exciting haha go out with friends and enjoy life... for awhile more la.

on sat dint do much in the day but went out late afternoon had dinner at city hall then traveled to ccab to play badminton where i got pwnt lol. not gonna talk much about that haha but wouldnt mind playing sports weekly haha much healthier lifestyle than like.. lanning. oo. anyway after that it was quite exciting cos we chionged to makansutra glutton's bay near esplanade to have dinner quite an ok selection of hawkers dint try all, but melvyn ordered gong-gong from there lol so i ate a little more of that exotic sea snail there oO

today was quite exciting because a lot of things happened and theyre worth mentioning. im not really into typing them out rather talk about them. but i wanna remember a few things so shall write a few of the things that happened (not all) here

-blardy hell beach rd guy try to sell us extra stuff. obvious challenge in his tone of voice when he said:
'so you got everything you want?'
'you have garters?'
'you have orange cloth?'
'you THINK 1 is Enough?? other ppl buy 2-3 orange cloth. army issue you that one will tell you put in cupboard tell you what to lay out from left to right. some ppl buy 1 orange cloth for rifle cleaning, 1 for polishing, 1 for area cleaning...nlah blah '

this one quite champion (abit inside joke you have to be there to appreciate him and the look on his face): in reply to a question on whether the tshirts used for physical training are grey in colour (cos it says grey on the list that came with the enlistment letter), the guy immediately said:
'YOU see you see you see' -trying to emphasize that we're stupid and ignorant-

finally after getting him to stop selling us extra stuff and to get our white socks and tights
'YOU dun come back here and complain and say uncle uncle you see we go in bmt other ppl have this and that but we dun have' -wtf as tho we'll complain when we know what we're out to buy and like duh it'll be our own fault if we somehow dun have anything-

all this plus the fact that you can go in bmt without actually buying anything and still manage to survive? and the guy kept saying his list is better, he always talks to army sergeants and officers and they recommend that stuff for new recruits. nahbei you look at his list and see 'carabiners' huh we need meh.

another best challenge that he threw at us was:
'YOU GOT BOOTLACES?'
wtf
'I tell you army all about having backup one U buy ziploc bags for what? supposed to put backup orange cloth bootlaces one'

then a china surveyor called my phone again today. as usual, once i saw the 'unknown' appear on my phone screen, i was prepared. i heard the chinese 'heello xian sheng ni hao ma' then i passed the phone to keefe

keefe flirted alot haha and he told the girl his name is wang li hong! then she was v fascinated and she asked if he was faking and whether he was a fan. but he said that's really his name hahha

i think nxt was praising how nice her name was 'chen yi' or sth. and asking her age. she's 24. keefe said he's 18. she said she's old enough to be his sister. he asked her whether he heard of 'jie di lian' before which means like older girl date younger guy sth like that. lol!

he dint answer her questions but asked more of his own lol. so he asked if she was in china. wah lou after awhile i think she was really just talking for fun and not asking questions. she was calling from someplace in orchard. keefe asked to meet up. she said ok at 530 meet! uh oh so keefe hung up lol i kept trying to get him to say gdbye fast.

uh oh... after awhile she called back. i rejected the call. then she called again. i thot, 'oh shit better get this over with' so i picked up. straightaway she asked (in chinese)
'harlow is this mr wang lee hong?' 'hello zhe shi wang li hong xian sheng ma?'

haha wth la. i pretended not to know chinese so the conversation went sth like this

me: hello?
her: hello zhe shi wang li hong xian sheng ma?
me: hello? who is this i dont know you
her: hello zhe shi wang li hong xian sheng ma?
me: are you speaking chinese? i dun understand
her: er you speak english okayy?
me: dui bu qi wo bu hui jiang hua yu (sorry i dunno how to speak chinese)
*put down*

oooooooo

eh army soon

gong-gong

2008-01-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

i was walking back home after a good dinner at simpang bedok with softballers along the dark path that used to be scary (but isnt anymore cos they installed streetlights) when i saw a snail on the path. then a thought hit me like "hey a few hours ago i was squatting on a beach with everyone else and we were catching small snails to put into a circle drawn in the sand to race each other to see which would get out of the circle first" lol

and the previous night we ate some sea snails for dinner called gong gong.

3days felt quite short but fun anyway. can always find stuff to do one hm even tho the weather wasnt good enough for more sea sports. we only did one - boogie board oO probably the most dangerous thing we did haha fight the waves until big waves come to sweep us back to shore v v fun

ok since im real full from eating chicken murtabak gonna sleep. plus we prob played more sports in the past 3 days compared to what we've played in the previous few months oo

hee hee hee

badminton

2007-12-28T13:26:00.000+08:00

met farhan, daniel, keefe, yi rui and chongzhi at Tampines Sports Hall for badminton yesterday. i think badminton is a really fun sport that everyone can play! it's quite enjoyable, particularly if you've having a slightly competitive game with players around your standard. it's really fun having long rallies and just whacking the shuttle as hard as you can!

we played badminton until 3.30 and headed for farhan's place after that. farhan bought an Xbox 360 and we played baseball and racing games on the xbox! pretty cool stuff. it has become quite a routine, all of us heading to a person's house and hanging out together! damn cool eh! even though keefe and yi rui live in chua and yio chu kang respectively, while daniel me kh and farhan live in tampines/simei, we always manage to get together somehow. think this kinda bonding will really help us band together during NS when we all become no-life. we can all live in lan shops together! =D

anyway, i've decided to stay at home today to pack up my room plus finish applying for my university applications. just previewing everything and checking every detail! this kinda thing is very stress. haha. and expensive man. an average of USD$70 for every uni, so it becomes $400 for a person with 4 unis like me. sick! can buy another PSP! oh well. guess this kinda thing is really important.. so shouldn't be misery.

woo! need to exercise more!

15 days left

2007-12-27T10:18:00.000+08:00

i have only 15 days of freedom left. i enlist on the 10th of january 2008. That's a completely horrible feeling! after talking to so many seniors, i think i have a good sense of what NS is going to be like. i'm not too worried about how i'll perform, whether i'll go into OCS, whether i can keng (slack) or not, but then it's still a horrendous thing to be told that "you will lose your social life."

argh! oh well. so far, i have borrowed a bunch of great books that i have tried devouring, including joseph stiglitz's "globalisation and its discontents" and the "kite runner". these books are just the start! i'm going to move onto reading really hardcore books as i enter NS. i reserved Alan Greenspan's "The age of turbulence" using the national library board's reservation thing, which cost me $1.55, which is pretty cool.

i have been watching plenty of movies also. i caught National Treasure 2, which is a real treat for adventure lovers, starring Nicholas Cage, Alvin and the Chipmunks, a christmas movie banking on Theodore's cuteness (Theodore is the fat one), and I AM LEGEND. I AM LEGEND, in my opinion, has a great idea behind it. viral disease turns everyone into zombies except for the 1% of the population that is immune to it. they cannot come out into the sunlight. and as everyone who caught it before me said, the ending really does suck. it feels uncompleted. i won't spoil the show for you guys, but i just feel that the ending left too many "why didnt' he..." questions for the audience to ask. well. i realised i really hate zombie movies. the idea of a zombie really freaks me out. even though the ones in I am legend are really tame, and there isn't any gruesome scenes, at night as i laid in bed i still thought of how scary/horrible the zombies looked like and i felt quite scared! damn noob can! horror really isn't my genre.

keeping in contact with everyone, mainly CCA mates, classmates and random friends, will be extremely difficult over the next 2 years. well, all the guys better start working on that! cause we only have 15 days left.

hong kong

2007-12-19T20:16:00.001+08:00

i just came back from a 5 day holiday in hongkong. it was pretty good. hong kong is a cool city, a place that people should visit. if i had only 3 words to describe hongkong with, i would use cosmopolitan, bustling and polluted.

the people: i noticed that hkers are awfully fashionable. everyone, and everyone, tries to look their best when they go out. not "go out" as in, going clubbing, or going shopping. i mean that the moment they step out of their houses, they have to look their best. all the girls have makeup on, and everyone looks pretty "in". even along the backroads, the nightmarket areas where you expect people to be extremely causal, everyone is dressed pretty nicely. you really don't see people walking around in their home-clothes, in track pants, over-sized t-shirts or slippers. that's one of the major differences between singaporeans and hk'ers.

i cannot understate the amount of human traffic that hk's streets contain. the shopping areas are absolutely jam-packed with people, at any time of the day. i dunno where do all the people come from! don't they have work to do? its amazing to see so many people with so many things to do, every single hour of the day. its practically like city hall/raffles place kinda traffic for every single street! it gets quite disgusting after a while, but well. that's city life for you.

the pollution however, is horrendous. as you attempt to admire hongkong's "beautiful" skyline at night, or even in the day, all you can see is the faded outline of all the buildings as some sort of fog/haze covers it perpetually. everyone smokes there, since cigarettes are supposedly dirt-cheap there (and everywhere else except singapore). so around every street corner, there is this 100% chance that you will walk into a cloud of cigarette smoke, which is absolutely disgusting. now that i'm back in singapore, i really enjoy breathing in clean fresh air w/o suffering from 2nd hand smoke attacks. oh well.

that kinda sums up my 5 days in hongkong. i won't elaborate on my trip. its a typical travel agency tour, with restaurant dinners, "factory outlet" jewellery, chinese medicine shop visits, and historical monument visits. i visited disneyland and the last 2 days was spent shopping. so there!

nothing much in hongkong that you can't find in singapore, except for the extremely good weather and mountains. so there wasn't much of a cultural shock at all.

i'm glad to be back in singapore!

back from china

2007-12-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

i arrived back in singapore this morning at around 6am, my parents and i got my sis to get up early and fetch us haha we all stuffed ourselves into the car for a short car ride home. i dint start unpacking, i had a shower and to bed for a much-needed nap

my attempt to stay awake thruout the entire flight failed, i was quite sleepy and bored with the in-flight entertainment.. maybe just not in the mood i guess. haha i tried playing streetfighter at first but i kept losing >< damn suck and dint know how to do hadouken or anything at all. ok so i decided to watch some movies. stardust wasnt on the movie list, so i couldnt finish it (tried to watch stardust on the flight to shanghai)

let me tell you about my flight to shanghai on the 6th december. i got onto the plane, into my seat, and promptly fell into a deep sleep, only waking up when they forcefully wake u up to eat breakfast at around 4am. from my flight back i have realised all that i slpt thru. first of all i dint put on my seat belt, at that time i had a pouch around my waist so it kinda gave me a false sense of security. nxt i slpt thru the safety video, which is played while the plane taxis to the runway. then i slpt thru the takeoff itself, which i thot was quite amazing. and i slpt thru the part when they give passengers warm towels. lol. i guess i lacked sleep from the past few days 4th and 5th december. after i woke up and ate my meal i watched a little of stardust. read the book already :s actually it dint seem essential that i watch the movie. but the others werent really nice

so last night there wasnt any stardust and i hadnt heard of most of the other movies, and was in the mood for some action/stupid show else i'd fall asleep. i tried 'superbad' which didnt work lol it started playing transformers instead (which wasnt even on the movie list). so i watched transformers again and it made me remember how much of a cool movie it is haha its quite exciting and appeals to guys i guess nice big alien robots ^^ exciting story!

oh yeah that reminds me of some thoughts that occurred to me during the trip. anyway i would divide the trip into 2 parts, the first being the part when my parents and i followed the tour group from shanghai to suzhou, hangzhou, nanjing, wuxi and then back to shanghai. we extended our stay in shanghai to stay with my big sis who's staying there now and working. anyway the shanghai part was more fun haha the tour part was interesting with some cultural places but the rest of it consisted of places that try to sell you stuff.

so during the shanghai part i think i was out with my big sis sometime and the idea of guys around 20+ years old still being kiddy and not exactly grown-up came up somewhere. but thot it was interesting because that's how we might end up! 20+, just out of ns, and about to enter uni/just entered uni, and playing around enjoying life and slacking going lanning and playing sports with our buddies ^^ while the girls wouldve spent those years already studying and getting serious about careers and work life. oo. that'll be a weird period of time.

what's the rush to grow up? hmm certainly wish to have more time to go overseas and explore new places.. hm.

anyway time for exercise. will talk more about the food in shanghai another time. if i can bring myself to blog about it. meanwhile im reading 'ender's shadow' which is a parallel story to 'ender's game', sth i read v long time ago. bought the book for 40yuan in china which is about $8 haha but its not really a very recently published book. i mean the book itself is new but i think it was first published quite a long time ago. happened to come across it in a bookstore. exciting. shouldnt take long to finish it

exercise tmrw: softball badminton possibly frisbee and also helicoptering -> oO ok bb

PSP

2007-12-09T19:22:00.001+08:00

by the way i got a new PSP by my sister! its a PSP slim, the newer edition of the PSP with faster loading speed and new features! cost her about $400, thanks a lot! =D =D

think the PSP rocks due to its mobility. that's a major plus when you want to play short-games like Fifa08 (1 match = 8 minutes) while doing something utterly boring, like taking a train to the city. although books work well, sometimes you just want something that is pure leisure. heh.

i have finished the 1st draft for most of my college application essays, due to my 3 days of illness and lying around at home. quite an achievement! i haven't completely blundered away all my time playing on the PSP, or Dota. That's quite amazing! heh. these essays are pretty important to me, as they decide my future, so its good that i'm getting back into the "academic" kinda groove. need to do so to churn out good quality essays. going back to school to finish up the last school, brown, and finalize the rest of my essays with zhang rui. its good to check with buddies who r applying to the same school as you and cross-read essays, they can certainly provide some good advice on how to improve your essays! lydia has been my english tutor for my essays, really giving me help with my pathetic england, due to all my time studying science and writing science "essays." thanks so much!

now, going to fill up my days with partial "work" (such as university and scholarship application essays) and play! going to yi rui's house on monday to try out his new PS3! lucky boy! =D

sick

2007-12-08T20:20:00.000+08:00

i've been extremely sick the last 2 days.. on friday my fever hit 38.5.. today its 37.5..

sucks! visited the doctor at 12am on friday night, or saturday morning, and the doctor charged me a freaking princely sum of $75! ridiculous!!!

anyway my sister bought me a PSP so that's marvelous! =D =D Fifa 08 now.. soon i'll enjoy games like BURNOUT etc etc. =D

enjoy your holidays everyone! just don't fall sick like me ):

SAT over!

2007-12-01T22:28:00.000+08:00

ok i think i had the feeling that it wasnt right to celebrate until i really had no other tests/exams left to settle. now that sat1 is over im finally starting to feel as tho im about to have a holiday (plus im closer to prom and trip to china maybe). sat1 dint feel that tiring during the test itself.. and the two 5min breaks in between did help a little cos im sure that my mind stamina isnt enough to last 3hour plus of continuous english/math stuff. breaks helped to like replenish brain juice i guess, it was more of the getting up and moving about that felt good too. the guy nxt to me had sandwich, coffee and red bull wah could smell the red bull the whole time some sweet sweet smell.

i dont think im really out to degen myself until i forget everything and become incapable of thinking. actually i think preparing for sat1 has actually gotten me back in touch with understanding and comprehending english words and passages. its not like reading newspaper because newspaper articles are factual and like aimed at reporting an incident, while the passages in sat books and for the comprehension sections are actually quite interesting because they usually present opinions. looking at things from a different perspective should actually be helpful in a different way compared to reading informative stuff from newspapers?

degening of our minds will probably happen during ns. i think i'd prefer to keep on thinking about stuff instead of frequently lapsing into stone-modes (stoning shall be reserved for commuting). so i'll try to keep my brain active by reading stuff. and sports will provide breaks for my eyes to rest. blardy hell my eyesight worsened by 150 degrees holy moly. that's a real drastic jump and it happened like only this year around prelims that time? been wearing my same old pair of specs for about 3years. good opportunity to change specs and to make blackplastic specs for ns but yea i dun like my eyesight to worsen :s sian.

got $80 worth of borders cash vouchers in front of me heh. prob go shop with sis tmrw and see what books we might use them on.

need a form of life-long motivation. im guessing that there are other ppl like me are wondering what to do for the rest of their lives, partly because we dun have the motivation to do anything in particular. this attitude to life is like 'just take it as it comes along'. what stuff is good to do hm. we should all fight global warming and environmental degradation.

cute cat haha